Jerry Timms

Most of you are probably going to actually find this post really boring. But, this is my online journal and things have felt so hectic lately that i just wanted to take a few minutes to get some thoughts down.

So, I will be in Palm Springs this weekend for the White Party. I am really excited for it, and I’ve also really enjoyed the time leading up to this point. My friends and I have actually used the preparation for this event as a sort of bonding activity in itself. Talking about workouts, our diets, how much weight we’ve lost, what we’re going to wear to the different theme parties, the songs we hope to hear, etc. So, if it seems like I’ve been talking about the White Party an awful lot, it’s because the White Party actually started for me awhile ago, when I first decided to go. Does that make sense? Anyway…

I’ve been going crazy redecorating my house for the last week or so…and it’s looking pretty cool. I set up a new poolside area to work from, added some furniture to the living room and bedroom, and reorganized several areas of the house.

For me, this is always a sure sign that something is wrong. I knew a few days ago that something was brewing, but I decided I would go with the flow and get these therapy projects underway…the answers come in time, right? Now that I feel like I have things worked out (or at least properly identified), I’m actually really glad that the party is this weekend so that I can have fun and get in a better mood.

I don’t really know how to describe my mood lately other than just a little touch of loneliness. I’ve been having a great time hanging out with friends, but the fact remains that nearly all of them are in relationships of some sort…and part of me does miss that. Part of this is also the fact that I work from home, and I think that being by oneself for extended periods of time can make one go a little nuts Time starts to blur a little…and like last week for me, you can suddenly realize that you’re not even paying attention to things anymore like how your house looks.

I think things kind of came to a head today, as I ended up chatting with my ex and he told me that he has a new boyfriend. Of course I’m happy for him, and I had a hunch anyway that he did. But then again I have those normal jealous feelings that he has moved into a new relationship and I’m not able to get past a first or second date with someone. The rational part of me says that this is a good thing, because it means I’m being selective, and that it’s really better in the long run not to settle. But on the other hand, the emotional part of me wants that perfect match to be made soon

I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m pining away for a boyfriend, because that isn’t the case at all. My life is actually at its most perfect point ever right now. I think I just hit a normal bump on the emotional road, and spent a little more time than normal this week thinking about relationships, and about things that are not currently part of my life. I see this as a good sign, because I think that when you achieve certain levels of perfection and success, you just continue to crave even more.