Jerry Timms

I’m trying right now to wind down for bed, because I have a flight tomorrow morning at the ungodly 8 o’clock hour. We’re headed to Orlando for One Mighty Weekend, which will likely prove to be the mother of all parties so far for me this year.

I have to be honest, I’m really apprehensive about this weekend. Why? Well, I was talking to Mr. X about this tonight, and I’m a little concerned that I don’t have any goals set for this weekend. All of my previous party trips have had personal goals…and I have meditated heavily on them, and achieved new levels of personal understanding and achievement. Nothing huge, just those little goals that you set for yourself now and then to help yourself along the greater path. Those goals are personal.

This weekend, I’m at a loss for what I’m trying to achieve. The obvious answer would be…Jesus, Jerry, just have fun and relax. Well, those who really know me should know that I don’t really ever do that! I’m really obsessed with everything having meaning. Nothing with me is ever just what it is, it’s always something more. I’ve never done something and just given up all control of it, and just let it be what it’s going to be.

Ah, ok…

Last night was our UFC Core party at Vicky’s house where we drank, ate, and watched the homoerotic spectacle known as UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay-per-view. We also got a chance to see Jason and meet some of the members of Vicky’s secret social group.

Honestly? It seems gay just to watch this UFC stuff. I have no idea what the straight people get out of watching nearly naked guys rolling around in near simulated sex scenes. I asked Jerry about this later in the night, and he tried to explain that it’s not gay if punches are also being thrown. I think all the other guys in the room would have made similar statements if asked. If, like me, your BS meter is getting a suspicious reading from that statement, well…

This is Alessio Sakara from the weigh-in before UFC 70. Weigh-ins are indistinguishable from underwear photo shoots.

Bruce Weber directed this weigh-in of Rich Clementi

This move is actually called The Anaconda

I think this is called frottage

Another example of The Anaconda. That look of pain on his face tells you this isn’t gay.

This is what’s known as a power bottom

Honestly, these captions just write themselves at this point

I’m not going to harp on this too long, because a lot of straight guys don’t like being backed into a corner where they have to admit to themselves that they enjoy a little homoerotic display now and then. Personally I enjoyed the fight. And even though it’s an odd culture I can certainly appreciate it for what it is…soft core porn.

Note how girls are used in the background of the weigh-ins so that all those guys don’t feel completely gay for assembling to watch two UFC fighters strip down to their underwear…

So you see what I’m saying about this thinly veiled homoeroticism. I mean, I almost lost it last night when Joe Rogan started talking about how one fighter was “giving him the Anaconda from behind.” Ok.

Later in the night, some sort of tension developed about what to do after the fight was over. I’m not really sure how that started or what it was really about, but I ended up feeling a little uncomfortable about it.

Deanna and I headed back to the Governor’s Mansion where we decided to get a cab and meet Jerry out at a new bar for us called Bar Smith. It’s an interesting space next door to Burn, and we remarked how the crowd was a similar version of Scottsdale. After Jerry left just a little early due to an early work day he had planned, Deanna and I went next door to Burn where we were really surprised that they wanted us to pay $20 cover for the remaining hour that they would be open. So after nixing that idea, we walked to Seamus McCaffrey’s to have a few drinks with Daren.

So, there you have it. I’m going now to do some more UFC research…

Today I suddenly realized that I may as well just cancel my digital cable service. It felt weird, because I’ve never canceled cable before except for moving and with the intention of setting it up again at a new address.

A couple weeks ago, I sold my giant Sony Wega TV to Daren. He wanted to move his widescreen HDTV in with Jerry, so he wanted to buy a TV to trade it for, and well, it was kind of a complicated transaction I guess.

Nevertheless, my TV has been gone for awhile now. It was huge, 300 pounds, and now it’s gone. Big empty wall where it used to be. It doesn’t really matter a whole lot to me, because for about the past year I’ve been watching less and less television. I really only watch about 2 shows right now….Heroes and Workout. I’m hardly ever home to watch much more than that, and even when I am home most of my spare time is spent on the computer either working or reading news.

I had concocted this elaborate plan where I would sell my giant TV, get a slimmer widescreen, an Apple TV box, cancel my cable service, and begin to buy all of my shows through iTunes. I figured that for as few shows as I watch, I would only have to pay about $20 per month just to buy the shows…thereby saving money that I would otherwise be spending on (way too expensive) cable service. And I’d get a sexy HDTV out of the deal, which I’ve been craving for years.

It sounded like a good plan until I purchased my shows this week, and watched them on my laptop. The laptop was fine. Why do I need an expensive TV? I thought about this for a bit. The laptop actually has the same resolution as an HDTV, and you know I love my laptop.

For someone like me who doesn’t watch very much television, I came to the conclusion that there would only be one reason to buy a new TV…to cuddle up with a date and watch a movie. You can’t really do that in front of a laptop. Well, you could…but it wouldn’t be same now would it?

Was I really willing to spend $2000 for this eventuality? I decided that I am not. So now I’m TV free.

Well even though I’m sure you’re all anxious to see some pictures from my travels, I actually didn’t take that many. I think I must have burned myself out on taking pictures for awhile! But I did take a few here and there, so here are the best ones in no particular order…

Me on the red carpet at a Project A.L.S fundraiser event at Paramount

Shamelessly stalking celebrities at said fundraiser - or are they stalking me?

At this point I may as well just move into Mickey’s

Philip and Rich at The Abbey

Beautiful day in Santa Monica

The rolling party that took us to Medieval Times with Philip’s ad agency group

Philip and Justin inside said party

I have virtually no memory of this

I remember shouting ‘black & white’ and that’s about it - oh and lots of chicken

But it looks like we had cute hats!

With Rich, Gracie and Justin at LB Pride

Alas, I have no pictures of Tribe. Hopefully my previous dramatic prose gives you some idea how the weekend was spent. Pictures at parties hardly turn out acceptable anyway, and I’ve come to realize that the experience can’t really be appropriately captured in an image. I had a great time, and will be looking forward to the next events on my calendar…the Core on Saturday, and leaving for Orlando (One Mighty Weekend - Disney Gay Days) on Wednesday.

It was about midnight, and we were lined up outside the Queen Mary. It was cold outside at the harbor, but we were still warm from the previous event that night which abruptly ended after noise complaints from the hotel guests. The music was fantastic in the Britannia room, where blue lighting swirled and dancers in giant neon monster masks shot confetti at us from space guns. A room full of shirtless boys danced and pulsated in the spectacle that was one of the Tribe parties this weekend.

Rich, rather appropriately, remarked that straight people just don’t ever have this much fun. And if they could see what we were doing all night, they would think we were absolutely crazy. And then we heard “The party’s been moved downstairs.” So we walked down some stairs and outside the ship (figuring out along the way from some glass encased exhibits and strained intoxicated math that this ship was 73 years old) and waited for the next event.

The line outside the ship eventually started moving, and we were finally ushered rather somberly into the ship again. But this time we were directed down a few flights of stairs, along a long black hallway, and down even some more flights of stairs. Surely we were at least 50 feet under the water line at this point, and it was dead quiet and felt a bit suffocating. It smelled like old metal, damp wood and hydraulic fluid.

Then I heard the thump and knew we were getting close. Down another hallway and around a corner, and then we saw the glow of what must be our final destination. Suddenly in a lobby area glowing red from some discreet light source, we knew we had arrived. I walked through a doorway and saw the dance floor.

All I thought was wow, this really was the boiler room. 50 foot steel walls framed a very large space adorned with mangled pipes and cut steel beams. A riveted steel ceiling hung tenuously above us with various pipes and tubes that had surely served some very important purpose when this ship was in working order. Ominous red lights swooped around the room illuminating every detail for only seconds at a time, and it felt more as though we were in some natural underground cavern rather than a man made cruise ship. The “afterhours” music was thumping, and we inserted ourselves into the dance floor and started moving.

Afterhours is my favorite time to dance. The music is dark, the dance floor is dark, and everything feels very serious and sensual. This is my time for meditation and prayer. I think about everyone I’m with, who I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going. My body moves effortlessly to the rhythm of the music, and I let it take me where it takes me. All the while delighting in being reconnected once again with the energy of my tribe.

Mr. X was here tonight, looking and feeling better than ever. Looking around us, so many others were smiling and introducing themselves that we really felt at home here and had a great time dancing together and talking to everyone around us…old friends and new. The experience really is at times beyond words.

One guy in particular was dancing near us, and had the greatest smile and a wise, piercing gaze. After remarking to myself how happy and content he seemed, I noticed a Kanji tattoo on his back. After meeting him later and realizing that he was here from San Diego with our new circuit friend Grace, I patted his back and asked him what his tattoo meant.

His response? Soul revival.

Ok, well it’s getting to be that time of night where I just feel like spilling a lot of random things.

I’ve seen Mr. X twice since Saturday when we met at Burn. We’re going to lunch tomorrow. He’s totally hot, and really intelligent. So far I’ve only blogged about 2 Mr. X’s, and this is the second one. I really need to come up with a better anonymous naming system soon! I’m not really sure why things haven’t gone anywhere with the first Mr. X. Things were good, and then he was kind of evasive about going out again - I took that as a sign he wasn’t really interested. Hey, it happens!

It’s about midnight and I just wrapped up a meeting at my house with Rich and Mark. We reviewed the software functionality that’s been developed for our client over the past year, and discussed some plans for moving forward with new features. It’s fun to be able to work with friends, and I’m glad Mark is on board now as a part time consultant.

Last night I went to Seamus McCaffrey’s with Jerry and Daren. We walked from Jerry’s place, and I couldn’t help but to look up at the various highrise condo buildings under construction and wish I lived closer to downtown. The skyline is really changing down there lately with all the building projects. I’m not far where I’m at now, but I’m not close enough to walk to anything significant. It would be about a 5 minute drive to the downtown bars from my house - which isn’t that bad obviously - but I do like the walking from Jerry’s place. It would theoretically be possible to walk from my house, except that a bad neighborhood, a freeway, and about a 30 minute walk separate me from lower downtown. The 44 Monroe building is towering over Seamus McCaffrey’s and I almost wish I was able to sell my house right now to buy into that building while units are still left…not for the proximity to Seamus, but for the building’s amenities and proximity to bars and clubs I actually like.

Jerry and Daren at Seamus McCaffrey’s

I think I finally have settled on a car that I want…but it’s not quite available yet. It’s the BMW 328i hardtop convertible. I’m actually getting kind of anxious for a new car all of a sudden because the AC is out on my car, and I really don’t want to pour a bunch of money into fixing it. And it’s getting hot outside, fast! Well, I may actually need to fix it if this new car isn’t even at the dealer yet.

Sexy!

I’m not usualy one to get excited about cars, but this one may be the perfect fit for me. I’ve had my present car for almost 8 years, so I’m ready for a new one by now!

So I’ve talked about new dates, new house, new coworkers, new car…I guess that’s the theme for now. New.

NASAs new video promoting the upcoming mission “to return to the moon” has been generating quite a bit of buzz lately for it’s Battlestar-Galactica-Esque soundtrack and action sequences. But you know what I say? Let’s get up there and show the space neighbors we mean business! Then maybe they’ll decide to contact scold us. I for one am sick and tired of all this “science fiction” with the aliens and space ships and whatnot. It’s such a tease.

Sorry but I’ve been too negative lately and I just couldn’t help but to gush about the great night that I had tonight.

After some encouragement from Justin about being more aggresive, the second (you know there are two, right?) Mr. X met me at Burn where, of course, we ended up on the dance floor and had a great time.

I was a bit more honest tonight about my intentions, they were well received, and things really fell into place.

Hot.

John McCain you have proven to the country once again that you really are not concerned with anything except your neverending quest for the presidency.

Senator McCain, you are an embarrassment…even to Arizona. You weren’t born in this country, lived your entire life in the military (and we all know how that went) until you became a beer distributor, divorced your first wife and then married a drug addict who is 20 years younger than you. So you obviously must know a lot about this “order and discipline” you speak of.

However, it took some balls to come out against virtually every military expert, service member poll, and industrialized nation on this one for seemingly no reason at all! Thank you for that.

From The Advocate on May 3:

Gay troops pose “an intolerable risk” to national security, U.S. senator and Republican presidential hopeful John McCain wrote last month to a gay rights group seeking to move his position on “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

In an April 16 letter to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, McCain said, “I believe polarization of personnel and breakdown of unit effectiveness is too high a price to pay for well-intentioned but misguided efforts to elevate the interests of a minority of homosexual service members above those of their units.

“Most importantly, the national security of the United States, not to mention the lives of our men and women in uniform, are put at grave risk by policies detrimental to the good order and discipline which so distinguish America’s armed services.”

McCain, who voted in favor of “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it was enacted in 1993, concluded that “I remain opposed to the open expression of homosexuality in the U.S. military.”

I’ve actually got a few more things to say, as I sit here eating my cookie dough ice cream (yeah, things are going about as well as you suspect).

To be clear, I do enjoy watching The Secret and I do employ many of the techniques described with great success. I’ve actually done so for about 7 years now, after reading about the same techniques from other sources (metaphysical books). Now that these ideas have nearly fully moved into mainstream pop culture, I’m worried over the ways I see this “new secret” being perverted.

I believe that The Secret inappropriately places blame on the individual for things which may truly be outside their control. For example, there is a story in the movie of a woman that gets breast cancer, and then wills herself to be completely healed by “just laughing.” It is fine and good to explore the idea that people can help their bodies to heal by having a positive attitude and reducing their stress, this is a well established fact and not one that is presented for the first time in this movie, but there is a very subtle insinuation here that people may be attracting disease through their thoughts. Indeed, throughout the movie Bob Proctor continues to repeat “the power of attraction” and the idea that we attract both good and bad things into our lives.

The idea that people could begin to blame themselves, or others, for disease didn’t really hit home until today when a good friend (who is an avid folower of The Secret, among other metaphysical ideas) actually tried to blame me for my current cold. When I said that no, it’s not in my head because I took my temperature and it was 102, I was actually told that I must have attracted that disease through negative thoughts.

This just sort of instantly seemed proposterous to me, that someone would choose this explanation first. Being aware of Ockham’s razor, the idea that “All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one,” I would first go with the idea that either a cold virus or a bacteria had taken temporary hold in my body. This is a well established fact, and ludicrous that I would need to prove it to someone in the year 2007.

“But you may have attracted that virus to you with your negative thoughts.” Well, ok…I think you can see where this is headed. The avid follower of The Secret always has a way out of the debate because, no matter what you say to him, he can say that you attracted that whatever to you, and can enjoy sounding like he knows the mystical ways of the universe without needing to provide proof of anything. Sound familiar? Think Christianity…or any other traditional organized religion.

This was a relatively lighthearted discussion, because we are after all talking about a simple cold. But would he say this to someone who has cancer? HIV? Alzheimers?

The Secret fails to recognize that we all play a huge part in the health, wealth and happiness of others. By making you believe that you have the power to have anything, heal anything, do anything…well, what is the point in any sort of philanthropy? Why should we invest in medical research, social programs, national security? Would you be willing to argue that all of the victims of the recent terror attacks attracted that fate to themselves?

The Secret has, in my opinion, started a dangerous trend of blame and absolution of responsibility to others. Sound familiar? Think the Republican Party…or any other modern conservative movement.

There are some really good concepts in The Secret and, to be fair, I don’t believe the movie goes (or wants to go) as far as I’ve portrayed it here. However, I do believe that the concepts have been perverted by the masses who are now aware of it and are using it for purely self gain.