Jerry Timms

Oops! Senator Larry Craig, Republican Senator from Idaho, was caught cruising men in an airport restroom. While I would normally say that I wish our law enforcement would spend their time on actually protecting people from getting hurt, or something, I’m glad that Senator Craig’s hypocrisy has been exposed. The Senator is married with kids, so he’s obviously a closet case. Big deal you say? Well he’s also voted against gays on every piece of civil rights legislation to recently hit the Senate.

• Voted YES on constitutional ban of same-sex marriage. (Jun 2006)
• Voted NO on adding sexual orientation to definition of hate crimes. (Jun 2002)
• Voted NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation. (Jun 2000)
• Voted YES on prohibiting same-sex marriage. (Sep 1996)
• Voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation. (Sep 1996)

(Source: On The Issues)

So, not only is this scumbag cheating on his wife, but he’s also trying to punish all American gays for his own self-hatred. Nice.

From Rollcall via USA Today:

After he was arrested, Craig, who is married, was taken to the Airport Police Operations Center to be interviewed about the lewd conduct incident, according to the police report. At one point during the interview, Craig handed the plainclothes sergeant who arrested him a business card that identified him as a U.S. Senator and said, “What do you think about that?” the report states.

I think that’s a Senator who’s about to resign in disgrace.

Rumor has it that Karl Rove may be the next high profile Republican to be outed. Jeff Gannon, Republican White House reporter-slash-gay-prostitute has supposedly written about Rove in his upcoming book, and may even finger Rove as a former client (I’m sure I am not the first blogger to use that line). Karl Rove has long been rumored to be gay, with several witnesses over the years mentioning his presence everywhere from gay bars to orgies. If true, it would certainly be no coincidence that he resigned two weeks ago as President Bush’s main adviser and deputy chief of staff.

Welcome back! I’ve only been gone a little over a week, but a lot has happened since we last left off. The most obvious change is the new website, and I’m really excited to have a new site I can grow into with new sections of content.

The Governors Mansion has been put up for sale. I’ve had an itch lately to move closer downtown where I can walk places and catch the light rail that’s happening soon in Phoenix, so I decided to take some of my own advice and stop thinking about it and just do it (you’ll realize the irony of this later). I’ve already settled on a building downtown, so now it’s just a matter of passing this gorgeous house to one lucky buyer stalker.

I’ve almost completed week three of my personal training “body transformation” program, and happy to report that I’m seeing some really good results. While the diet and meal logging, cardio and intense workout sessions have been a little inconvenient during the last few busy weeks, it’s been well worth it and I’m sleeping better and feeling good.

The diet is interesting, because it actually feels like too much food. I have to eat 6 times a day, which is hard to always remember, and I’m not even really that hungry throughout the day. Especially in the morning, when I choke down like 6 eggs plus something else that’s gonna fill my calorie requirements. And then eat 2 hours later, ha. But the end result is that even though I’m not realy trying to lose “weight” (I’m only trying to build muscle), I have actually lost 7 pounds.

I went to see Mama Mia tonight with Jerry and Melanie, Jason and Steve. Jerry and I agreed that the music was pretty good, although the story line was a bit too melodramatic for our tastes (again with the irony). But of course I realized how much I really love some of these ABBA songs, and this brought back some memories from the White Party.

When you’re gone, how can I even try to go on?

Phoebe had her own couch, her own side of the bed, and often her own homemade dinner. The toughest dog I ever met, but sweet enough to put her head on my lap when she knew I was upset. It hasn’t been the same without her!

Last night was a bit of a tumultuous evening.

Chapter 5 has been the time of my life! But it’s also been emotionally difficult for me in the realms of new love, cultivating new friends, and self-discovery. This has all been explained in excruciating detail, although much of that seemed to unravel for me last night. There was the not-so-subtle signal from Mr. X that I need to move on, the recently disrupted harmony of new friendships, and the surprising way in which it all has affected me.

So after transforming into a spectacular pile of emotional garbage in the bathroom stall at Burn (yeah I know, classy), I was fully ready to swear off blogging and any further examination of these oddities you humans call “feelings.” At one point I remember thinking that I just couldn’t handle interpersonal relationships any longer, that too many of them for me lead to one disappointment after another. I was afraid that everything I had worked to build since last year was falling apart on multiple fronts.

And then, like that annoying narrator from The Wonder Years, the familiar calm and level-headed part of my intellect stepped in just long enough to tell me something. The chapter isn’t unravelling; the plot’s just thickening…

An anniversary is coming up for me in a couple days…a year since the worst day of my life. And some sage advice I received last year from a friend is just as relevant now, that a loss is not a loss if you allow the experience to weave itself into what’s next in store for you. And there is no doubt plenty in store!

So, I’m not giving up on the blog. I’m not giving up on my friendships. But I think I’m going to take a planned sabbatical from the blog for just a little while. An intermission of sorts. The rest of chapter 5 is still being written, and when it gets interesting again I’ll be back! The unexamined life may not be worth living, but I need a rest.

I can no longer look at Log Cabin Republicans with the same amount of disdain, when my own party of 14 years still refuses to support full marriage equality. I would be just as self-hating as a gay or black Republican if I continued my affiliation with the Democratic party. So, about 5 minutes ago I changed my registration to independent status.

I’m obviously going to continue voting for the lesser of the available evils, but I’m no longer a Democrat.

The presidential election ended for me last night while watching the Democratic presidential debate on Logo. The four frontrunning democratic candidates made it clear that they do not support gay marriage, but instead maintain varied support for the separate but equal civil union scheme. Some of them may actually privately support gay marriage, but they are clearly tempering their public support in order to make their win a little less complicated. Barack Obama actually belongs to the United Church of Christ, one of the few Christian churches that supports gay marriage, but he still stopped far short of endorsing it.

Instead, Barack Obama had the tenacity to bring up the fact that his parents wouldn’t have been allowed to marry in several states in the early 60’s, and because of that he felt like he understands our situation. Ha. While that may be a cute effort to find some common ground with us, using that as a backdrop to tell us that we shouldn’t push completely forward for full rights is disgusting.

I want to feel comfortable with Hillary Clinton, but how many times does she have to reconsider past statements and decisions? It’s impossible to make a mistake when dealing with equality, it either is or isn’t. We’re left with a feeling that all of the candidates still have some thinking to do, but time has run out.

The presidential election ended for me last night, and this is probably the last time you’ll ever hear me mention it. Time to get started on a new project.

I haven’t written anything in a few days, and that’s because I’ve had a few new projects this week to keep me busy.

First, I’ve decided to hire a personal trainer for the next few months before the cruise in October. I’ve already had two training sessions this week, and I’ll be going for nutritional counseling tonight, and the third workout session of the week on Friday. Of course this is a bit of an extravegance, but the cruise is coming up soon and I just didn’t want to frack around and not get the best results I can get!

Second, I’ve decided to take the plunge and get my car fixed up. For awhile I’ve been hemming and hawing about whether or not I should get a new car, or spend the thousands of dollars required to fix some problems on my car - most notably the air conditioning.

You might ask yourself how I’ve been able to function so far in the Arizona summer without air conditioning, and my answer to that would be that I have avoided driving as much as possible during the day. I work from home, so most of the traveling I do is at night for social reasons or shopping and whatnot. It was never meant to be a long term plan, as I always kind of assumed I’d be getting a new car instead of wasting money on fixing the old car I have.

Well I’ve decided to make another large purchase instead of the car, something that will be an investment rather than an expense, and so that’s the decision that landed my car in the dealer this week - getting a new air conditioner that must apparently be gold-plated because it’s freaking expensive!

And last but not least, dinner with Mr. X last night that ended up being a really fun time. For some reason I was able to relax for once and be more of my normal self without slipping into deep thought the entire time. And Mr. X appeared more relaxed and happy, and I felt like we just sort of enjoyed each others’ company for awhile.

Today I’d like to write about a more emotional topic. I’m sitting here getting ready to get some work done, but there’s something that was weighing heavily on my mind that I want to put out there…

After all the progress I think I’ve made this past year connecting with my emotions and working on interpersonal relationships, I think there’s still quite a bit of the “robot” still in me. Before I was out to my friends, they used to call me “The Robot” because I hardly ever expressed emotion and had seemingly no interest in dating and whatnot. They could always count on me for a strictly objective piece of advice, I was almost cold…

After coming out to everyone (when I was 25) I broke out of my shell a little and shared significantly more of my life with my friends, and a few years later with my family. This last year I decided it was time to work on things again. I wasn’t happy and I just felt like I was wandering aimlessly through a life devoid of any substantial personal growth.

That personal growth is happening again, and I’m having the time of my life! My old friendships are stronger, and some strong newer friendships have developed. But there are still a lot of challenges for me, especially with my dating and intimate life. I have the hardest time expressing emotion when it comes to love and interest. That will improve soon, as I’ve renewed my commitment to be completely honest about my feelings in that area.

So, I’ve told somebody something just now, and it’s interesting how a simple sentence can take such a huge weight off your shoulders. It goes where it goes.

With all the HIV discussion recently, I decided this week that I would go and get tested. Echo Magazine, our local pseudo-journalistic gay rag, also ran a story about the importance of knowing your status. According to the CDC, more than 25% of all HIV positive individuals don’t actually know they’re positive. So with the subject and statistics in mind, I made an appointment for the end of the week, and decided that I would write about the experience.

On Wednesday I called Terros, a local HIV services organization, to ask about their testing services. I knew that they provided testing, because they were featured in the Echo article, but the Echo failed to include any information about location, cost, or even basic contact information like a website for these services. You may ask yourself why the Echo even ran the article at all, and the only answer I can think of to that is that the Echo must have long ago outsourced their articles and editorials to China. So I Googled the organization, and found their circa 1996 Frontpage website. On the phone I was told that testing was free, and I just had to make an appointment, which I did for today.

So when I arrived this morning at 10am, you can imagine how surprised I was to get quizzed in the parking lot about what I was doing there. The woman looked almost perturbed that I was parking behind their building, and I explained that I was there for an HIV test. “No, I don’t have any appointments in the book for today,” she said.

I explained that I made an appointment, and was certain it was for today, and she grumbled something about having poor quality staff lately and let me in. I sat down in a white waiting room (drinking a complimentary bottle of water - my broken car AC means that I usually look hideously hot wherever I arrive, and almost always get an offer for water). After a few minutes I was taken back to the lab by an enthusiastic bearded man in a white coat.

Now, this is the fifth time I’ve ever been tested. And what never ceases to amaze me is the amount of suspicion I’m always greeted with. They always want to know why you came to be tested. I explained that I read the article in the Echo (he’d heard of it) and that I’ve been writing this week about HIV and decided to come and get tested, and maybe write a little about the process afterwards. He seemed to buy my explanation, but still looked oddly skeptical. They always do, and I don’t know if they usually see a much different demographic or what.

My finger was pricked, some blood squeezed onto a plastic device, and the device dunked in an vial of liquid. The top of the plastic device looked like a pregnancy test. We had to wait 20 minutes for the results, so the bearded man started right in with the questions.

When you get a free HIV test, you always have to answer a ton of very personal questions. The prostitution and drug questions don’t apply, but the sexual questions get very detailed and annoying, and I think this is the worst part of the test. This list of questions only served to remind me about just how little sex I’ve had at all lately, and my observation was confirmed with his final response of “Well then, you really haven’t done anything risky at all, have you?” The skepticism in his face came back for a second round. But it’s true.

He filled out some paperwork, and we filled the remaining time by chatting about my observations regarding the recent resurgence of risky behavior by younger guys (he’s seen it as well), and a few examples he’s seen of people who should have HIV but never contract it. It seems he once tested a 56 year old IV drug-using prostitute, who admitted that she’s so poor she has to pick up used needles out of the trash and on the ground…and miraculously she tested negative. He talks about how there’s a theory that some people might have a genetic immunity to the virus, but it hasn’t been proven scientifically yet. A few more of his stories: the guy he knew who was so angry to test positive that he went to bathhouses to try to spread it, the recent news that Phoenix is now first in the nation for syphilis cases, and the recent upswing in new HIV cases for black women.

The timer beeped and my negative result was announced. I was told that, incidentally, I would not be allowed to leave if it were positive - counseling staff would be called to talk with me immediately. But instead I was offered condoms and lube, as a bag was handed to me and copious amounts of flavored and plain condoms and lube were thrown in, like some sort of awkward trick-or-treat. 41 condoms, and 15 packets of lube (just counted), so I’d say I did pretty well. At the rate I’m going I won’t need to buy more until the year 2029, I think. A little perplexed by this outpouring of prophylactics, I was shuttled out toward the door and quickly on my way home.