Jerry Timms

Well be careful what you wish for I guess, because parts of last night were a little bit irritating and I thought I’d share to see if anyone else has had a similar experience lately.

I went out to Burn and Charlie’s with Rich, and for some reason (I think because the gay softball world series is in town and there were a lot of out-of-towners) I got hit on constantly throughout the night.  Literally every time I would leave Rich’s vicinity to get a drink or use the restroom, I would be confronted by someone who was introducing themselves and asking me a lot of questions.  While I normally like this, and who wouldn’t on occasion, some of them were rather aggressive to the point of creepily following me around and appearing everywhere I was during the course of the evening.

I  would often be dancing, and literally turn to one side to see someone staring at me, and turn to the other side to see the same thing.  Come out of the bathroom, one is there waiting for me.  Getting poked all night by passers-by on the dance floor (yeah it was weird).  I was polite of course, and enjoying meeting new people, but I really think that I wasn’t getting my point across that I wasn’t interested in anything more than that.  At one point someone gave me their phone number, but I was quickly uninterested when he told me that he was only in town for a couple more days and wanted to go out with me.  Delete.

So this all comes down to one of my biggest pet peeves, which is guys who don’t get the hint and are inappropriately aggressive when I’m trying to relax and have a good time.  I am a very casual and tenuous person when it comes to meeting new people (it often takes me some amount of time to warm up to someone) and I’m really turned off by the aggressiveness and rapid fire questioning that happens at bars sometimes.  I also find it really awkward when someone wants to ask you out at a bar, because I really don’t feel like I know them well enough (or sometimes that I am sober enough) to make a proper determination if it’s someone I want to know on that level.  Ha, several bad decisions in the past have certainly made me a lot more careful about giving out my number.  I’d like to be friendly to everyone, but I really resent the fact that sometimes I feel forced to be blatantly dismissive when someone gets out of hand and doesn’t want to take the gentle hints I’m giving them.  I’ve tried the honest approach before, where I may politely explain why I’m not interested, but that has usually only led to unwanted debate or arguing.

Of course there are exceptions to all this if I have a strong gut feeling that someone is a match, but that’s rare.  That’s why you’ll often hear of me making dates after online chat rather than meeting in person at a bar or club, because when you chat with someone online you have a chance to research them a bit through their online profile responses.

Now that I’m thinking about all this, I can see a sharp contrast to the dynamics that I usually experience at circuit parties out of town.  It seems like everyone is not as inappropriately aggressive at those parties and it’s ok to meet someone, talk for a bit, share a compliment or two, and then move on to enjoy the scene and the music.  Saying hi to someone at those events doesn’t seem to commit you to having them stalking you all night.  There are exceptions to that, but they are few and far between. Those who don’t know anything about that scene may think that the opposite is true, that everyone is really aggressive and the environment sexually overwhelming, but it’s not like that at all - at least in my limited experience.

This has been known for some time, but Iran’s President Ahmadinejad recently brought the treatment of gays in his country back into the public spotlight by denying that gays exist in Iran. He made the statement this week at an appearance at Columbia University, to the laughter and boos of the audience.

The pictures above are from a few years ago, where two teens were executed in Iran for having gay sex. False rape charges were brought against the two in order to make the execution a little more publicly palatable, even though multiple witness accounts and testimony to the fact that no rape had ever occurred.

The execution of gays is actually quite common in the underdeveloped world, and it’s rather difficult to imagine political climates like this when we spend most of our time simply fighting for legal protections. We are not fighting for our lives, although it may sometimes feel like it. Images like the ones above are a sobering reality that infinitely more evil exists against us in other places.

It’s hard to take personal action against this kind of thing. The middle east has really become the prime example lately of all that’s wrong with humanity (or sub-humanity), and as U.S. citizens we don’t have any formal processes for creating change in other countries (that channel is reserved for the state department and military). We can certainly elect leaders that commit to fighting for the right changes in the world, but you know as well as I do that it doesn’t feel as effective as it seems it should.

For now I am going to add my voice on this issue to the millions that already exist on the internet, and to make you aware of this if you aren’t already. This doesn’t mean that we give up our battles at home, but I may start to think about ways to take my fight to a slightly more global level - whether it’s donating to organizations like Amnesty International, or modifying my political support for military action that may address human rights abuses such as this by other governments.

Even all of that seems horribly insufficient.

Well I don’t know about you, but I am so ready for a new topic. So I thought I’d roll with this one since it’s come up a few times in conversation lately, and something I think about fairly frequently.

A lot of us believe in the possibility of some form of psychic power. And when I say psychic power I can also use the term extrasensory perception (E.S.P.) interchangeably. We all may call it something different, but can usually agree on what it entails. I’m not talking about communicating with the dead or any nonsense like that, but rather the ability to “read people’s minds” and know things about someone or common everyday events that we think we shouldn’t be able to know by our current understanding of how human senses work.

To be clear, I can be relatively spiritual at times. But this isn’t one of them. I believe that humans have the ability to know a lot more about other humans and the world around us than scientists can currently explain. Sometimes these experiences can feel spiritual (or downright religious even), however I think that science just hasn’t produced enough research yet to explain them. So because we have no rational explanation for these experiences, we call them spiritual.

I forget when it was, or what channel it was on, but a long time ago I saw a science documentary about how we perceive and recognize human faces. The basic message I came away with was that we are are able to recognize such subtle characteristics of human face structure that it’s almost impossible to even explain precisely how this recognition works. I mean think about it, isn’t it amazing that out of the thousands of people we encounter each year that we don’t seem to have any trouble keeping them distinct? Evolution has served us well in this respect, because we can keep our friends, families and enemies straight. Even babies all look different without having much hair or pigment, or rarely any explicitly distinct characteristics at all.

Taking that concept even further, recent research has shown that we all look for similar characteristics in a mate. Red lip color indicates general health, brow and jaw size could be an indicator of testosterone levels during development, and the list goes on. The research attempts to answer the question of why we think someone is attractive and why we think someone else is not, the point being that most of the information we gather to make that determination happens somewhat naturally and subconsciously.

It is not much of a stretch to say that there is exponentially more information being gathered by our subconscious minds that we currently know about. I think much of this may help us to know a person’s true mood, know if someone is lying to us, or know if someone has a motive they haven’t explicitly communicated. It may even be enough to enable us to know something somewhat accurate about a person’s future course of action. It is the stuff that enables what we collectively call “intuition.”

It isn’t silly that you have a hunch about something that you can’t rationally explain; it may be eons of human evolution working as it’s supposed to. Personally, I’ve been noticing lately that if I completely trust my intuition about things and people then everything starts to make a lot more sense in the end. Although, I think that connecting with one’s intuition can take a bit of practice, after being filled with so much pseudo-intellectual quackery over the course of our lives.

So try trusting your intuition a little bit more than you usually do and see where it goes, I think you’ll be surprised.

Last Saturday and tonight were fun…hanging out with friends, talking, meeting new people, dancing, drinking, etc. That’s what I enjoy lately.When it comes to my personal life, sex hasn’t been anywhere near the top of my priority list for at least the last year or so. And that’s because I’m really looking for sort of a different connection. Sex eventually happens when a good intellectual connection has been made and chemistry is allowed to develop over some amount of time until it feels right. That could be one date or several (it’s usually at least a couple, but I don’t have a magic number).

But I am really very far from some of my friends who treat sex like more of a game of conquest (or even an idle hobby) than anything else. Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually knows how to make true friends anymore, and for good reason. In their defense though, I was the same way when I was younger…and I think it’s just something you grow tired of when you start to see something more important missing from your life. When you’re young you should have (somewhat responsible) fun and explore the terrain, and not be in a hurry to grow up. When some people get older they may want something a little more stable and fulfilling.

I was talking to one of my friends tonight about the upcoming cruise (my goings on about the cruise are far from over), and they asked if I bought all of my condoms, etc. for the trip. My answer was no, because I really don’t plan to take part in any of that on the cruise. (I believe I described it as a floating disease tank, ha.) I’m really just going to hang out with my friends and have a good time. Of course I’ll be prepared just in case, but it isn’t really something I’m going to spend much time thinking about.

Tonight drove this point home a little more for me because there was ample opportunity. There always is for gay men…give a reasonably attractive guy 5 minutes and he can hook up with someone else who’s reasonably attractive and have a reasonably good time. That part’s not a challenge.

The challenge is finding the infamous “love connection” and it’s something that can’t be planned or forced. You just have to be open to it and, I think, learn at least one lesson from every connection that doesn’t work out. Love should take practice too, right? Obviously staying at home isn’t going to get you anywhere, so you can make little choices here and there that make it more likely to happen.  Like going out where other people like you are likely to be, giving compliments where they’re deserved, being somewhat open minded and genuinely curious about others.

So there you have it. Love is missing and sex is not. And I’m tired so I’ll bid you adieu until next time. 

Something a friend said last weekend really stuck with me for the last few days. She, being single, said that she’s starting to notice a lot more single and eligible men come back into the dating pool lately. It seems that for awhile she observed that all the eligible men were married, but now she’s noticing that some of them are coming out of their first divorces and ready to date again. So the dating pool has actually improved as she gets ready to enter her 30’s.

Hmm. I thought about this for a moment, and realized that we have sort of a similar cyclical thing going on in the gay dating pool, although it’s different of course. I think that gay men tend to pass through a pre-midlife-crisis in their early 30’s. Straight men do, too, but gay men really kick it up an extra notch! As I look around online, I mostly either see guys in their early 20’s looking to date, or in their late 30’s looking to date. The late 20’s and early 30’s tend to be the partiers and the compulsives. There’s also some gay generational analysis I could do here, but that would just be exhausting.

So as I look around (and I’m not afraid to admit that I’m looking, I mean we’re all friends right?), I have often been faced with dating someone quite a bit older or younger than I am. And that’s hard to do, because generational differences are defined by so few years in this community. I realize more and more that I’m looking for someone like me (and hopefully around my age) that has one foot in the travel/party scene, and one foot in the real world trying to build a career and home and life. Someone fun but not crazy, responsible but not uptight. Someone who will grab life by the balls and do something wonderful with it!

And that’s rare, so it seems. I mentioned something in a last post about being picky, and I’m not giving that up. I’ll always be picky, as that’s how I’ve gotten where I am today. But it doesn’t hurt to second guess yourself now and then! So give me a break, because I’m waiting patiently for an entire generation of gays to come out of their first midlife crisis. Mine is almost done…I’m sure you’ve read all about it.

Well, it seems that four firefighters in San Diego are filing a lawsuit against the city for forcing them to participate in this year’s gay pride parade. Hillcrest firefighters. Yeah, Hillcrest.

The basis of the lawsuit is not just that they were forced to participate, but that they were exposed to such vulgar language that it was interpreted by them as sexual harassment.

Said Giotto, the crew’s captain, “These unsolicited and unwanted behaviors from a few individuals of the public toward us reduced our morale as well as the integrity of the workplace, and destroyed our professionalism.

“The experience left me feeling humiliated, embarrassed and offended by this event.”

So let me get this straight. You can walk into a burning building, put your life on the line every day, but being cackled at by some drunk queens completely destroys your professionalism and reduces your morale? What pussies.

Oh, forgot to mention…their attorney is a prominent religious Christian firm. Now it makes sense. And the fire chief is a lesbian. Even more sense.

You can always tell when an action is homophobically charged. How? Because they always use the word homosexual instead of gay.

According to the Thomas More Law Center, the firefighters’ law firm, the four firefighters were forced to participate in the parade against their will and were “subjected to vile sexual taunts from homosexuals lining the parade route.”

Well, in their defense that’s pretty much the definition of a gay pride parade, no? Did they think they would just be solemnly soluted?

Maybe because I’m going on a cruise to Mexico next month, maybe because I’m bored with my music right now, or maybe because I’m so cracked out on fat burner pills I can’t still my mind for 2 seconds…I’ve decided to learn a little Spanish over the course of the next few weeks!  I’m going to download some audio programs on iTunes and start playing them tonight during my treadmill run…wish me luck

Next!

I thought this picture was funny. The tabloids have been making fun of Posh for looking like one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! I think Becks looks like a young scientist who just built his own fembot! Ha, notice that blonde woman in the background who is simply aghast at the outfit?

Speaking of the onlookers, they are kind of casual. When I saw this, I thought wouldn’t it be funny if Posh put on all this couture just to go out to the California Pizza Kitchen?

I’d still totally hang with them…

This may sound a little unusual, but brussel sprouts are my favorite vegetable.  I never had them as a kid, not even once.  I guess my parents didn’t like them…we mostly had Italian things like zuccini.  And pasta.  Lots and lots of pasta.  I was in my 20’s when I finally tried brussel sprouts, and have been hooked since.  I call them “single” because I’ve been taking advantage of a new wave of single serving microwave steam-in-the-pouch vegetables at the store.  They are a lot more convenient when cooking for one.  A little more expensive maybe, but you won’t get freezer burn on the rest of the bag that you don’t cook.  I’m gonna stop right now before I sound any more domestic.

Calories: 160 (27 g protein, 9 g carbs, 2 g fat)

Jerry’s wingless hot wings & single (but not desparate) brussel sprouts

1 whole chicken breast
1 Tbsp. wing sauce (most are vinegar based and have only 5 calories)
1 Bird’s Eye brussel sprouts single serving pouch

Spray some Pam on a frying pan and cook a chicken breast thoroughly.  Remove it from the pan and coat it with the wing sauce.

Microwave the brussel sprouts according to package directions.

Put everything on a plate, and sit in your creepily silent house eating and thinking about where being picky has gotten you.