Jerry Timms

This might seem like kind of a retarded post, but a feature story in this month’s Details magazine has reminded me about how much I love breakfast. It’s kind of ironic, because morning is my least favorite time of day. But I love every kind of breakfast food, and the fact that I’m never up (or hungry) in the morning means I hardly ever get to eat breakfasty things anymore.

I remember when I was a kid that my family would often go out to eat pancakes on Sundays. I looked forward to it all the time, and sometimes it was all that would get me through mass…just thinking about that melted butter and warm syrup. Or sometimes on Saturdays, or Sundays when we skipped chiurch, my dad would bring donuts home (he was a cop, and yes he ate donuts all the time). I’d eat my donuts at the table while smelling my dad’s delicious coffee with cream and sugar all mixed in (he would let me taste it sometimes, and it never tasted as good as it smelled).

During the week my mom would cook either cereal (Cream of Wheat), eggs or toaster waffles for breakfast, although I was never hungry enough that early in the morning to really enjoy it. It was kind of ridiculous how early school started, and I could almost throw up right now just thinking about it. Although at some point I started realizing that most of my friends didn’t have moms that cooked them breakfast every morning, and then I started enjoying it a little more.

Sometimes when my dad was working the night shift, which was pretty often when I was younger, my mom would make scrambled egg sandwiches for dinner. She’d always make easy things like that when my dad wasn’t eating with us, and we’d eat in the living room while watching tv. Eventually it was just my mom and me on Friday nights…my older sister was just old enough to be out with friends and my dad would be working, and so I have these memories of hanging out with my mom with these scrambled egg sandwiches and watching a cheesy miniseries on tv. And of course staying up late until whatever we were watching was over.

It’s funny because I started this post by thinking I was just going to go on stupidly about how much I like pancakes and other high carb early delights, but now all these great childhood memories are coming flooding back. I suppose there are a lot of emotions I have tied in with breakfast, possibly more so than with any other food, and now it all makes a little more sense.

Well today is Sunday, so you know what that means.

Hot dads…

Cute doggies…

This puppy was pretty cute, but kept moving around so I had to wave my camera in front of his face to get him to pose for a picture. Oh, wait…no the puppy was fine I think I got these two pictures confused.

I was at Myst Nightclub in Scottsdale last night to see ATB. ATB was awesome, but this review is not about ATB - it’s about Myst.

My friend and I got tickets online for the show, and when we showed up at the door at around 10pm we waited in line to get in. The doorman let people in just a couple at a time, very slowly. And when it was finally just us inline, he made us wait several more minutes. He was about to let us in when he saw us holding our tickets, and then directed us to another entrance.

After we were inside the club, we were surprised to see virtually nobody in there. Why were we made to wait at the door? Are clubs really still trying this cheesy trick to make the club seem busier and more exclusive?

Once inside, we ordered redbull/vodkas. The flyer for the event said that they were $4 all night; we were charged $10 each. The bartender denied the special existed. So we looked on some of the tables, saw the flyers scattered around everywhere - and realized that the flyer said “$4 redbull vodkas all night in Ballroom.” Ah, so we were mistaken and needed to go into the ballroom and order our drinks.

Here’s the flyer, which was also posted on their website, distributed at the Area event last weekend, and folded neatly on every table in Myst:

For our next round, we went in the ballroom and ordered a new round of redbull/vodkas; we were charged $10 each again. The new bartender told us the flyer was a misprint. We grabbed one of the flyers from a nearby table and expressed surprise that it could be a misprint and asked to talk to his manager. He actually had the nerve to grab the flyer from us and attempt to hide it and ignore our request for a manager. We didn’t order any more drinks that night.

Honestly, I’m surprised that such a well known club in Scottsdale would display such amateurish and ethically suspect behavior. This actually gave me a lot of hope for the club scene in Phoenix, because I thought that if Myst had such a hard time getting it together then surely many others can do better!

Even though I’m carefully nursing a little bit of a cold, Jerry and I will be headed to Myst in Scottsdale to see ATB tomorrow night! This will be the second time I’ve seen him. The first time was in 2006 at Circus Disco in L.A., on my birthday. I’m sure this will be another great show, so check it out if you’re in the area!

Last night I went with some friends to the Crush party at the Area Phoenix event space. Gabriel & Dresden were the headlining DJs, and what really made it interesting was that it was primarily a hetero event and crowd. I thought it would be a mixed crowd judging by the Myspace event RSVPs, but it really wasn’t an even mix and I only saw a few gays that I could identify or recognize - not counting the multitudes that were metro-ambiguous.

My overall impression? I think it was the Phoenix party of the entire last year and I’m pretty excited to have found a new scene to explore further. It was honestly the closest thing to a circuit party that I’ve attended in Phoenix, which is an odd review to give since it wasn’t a gay event. The party went from 9pm to 5am, and Gabriel & Dresden sounded very close to Rosabel during their afterhours mix. There was fantastic lighting, Party Monster type club kids, ravers, and just a lot of your regular clubbers. The entire thing had a great vibe and left me with some very intriguing observations and thoughts.

Gay circuit parties are essentially all about celebrating our solidarity and pride in being gay. For one weekend we celebrate our sameness, display our pride and intention of exploring our full potential as gay men, and show that we know how to live fabulous and throw one hell of a party in the process.

Last night, although very similar in feeling and function to a circuit party (or at least one event in a circuit weekend), was actually about something else and somewhat opposite. It was all about rejecting labels and celebrating the fact that everyone can have different sexuality and motives and still throw one hell of a party together. Remember the old rave culture adage PLUR? Peace, love, unity and respect. It’s about celebrating and encouraging diversity; not sameness.

It couldn’t have been more obvious than when Mr. X and I were outside on the patio talking very close with his arm around me (we were being obviously gay, for lack of a better description), and a straight guy came up and chatted with us about the night and introduced himself to us. He, along with many others over the course of the evening, just really didn’t seem to give a crap what our sexuality was. To be fair, they were all pretty young and so maybe this is the emergence of a new generation that has transcended beyond mere tolerance. But this is really the goal, right? Integration seems not only somewhat inevitable, but desirable. For a night we won, and I couldn’t help but to smile a little at getting a peak of what this would feel like.

So, I don’t know how much further I want to go with this…I just thought that something seemed to tap me on the shoulder last night and tell me to pay attention to the difference for an evening.

Today Apple pushed out a huge software update for the Apple TV and after using it for awhile today, I have to say it’s like having a brand new device! The update has been called “Take 2″ because Apple, after admitting that they made some mistakes initially with the Apple TV set top box, has added several new features that make it a more compelling entertainment hub.

Among the new features:

Tonight I rented one of the HD movies (Next) and was really impressed by the quality. It is higher quality than a DVD, but lower quality than Blu-Ray. There are a lot of people complaining that Apple only went as high as 720p (it upscales to 1080p but the source is not that high), but after watching the movie I can see why. The movie stopped several times so that the buffer could catch up - because I started watching it right after I rented it, it literally took the entire 2 hours for the download to complete. The movies are about 2GB, and if it were Blu-Ray quality it would be about 25GB…which would literally take an entire day of downloading. Of course it could also be worsened by the fact that I only have a G router, so maybe I’ll get an N router and see if that makes it a lot faster.

I also purchased an album, some songs and a TV episode to watch, and that all went smoothly. And while housekeeper was here I streamed some internet radio in the living room. So as you can tell I’ve been using this thing a lot today!

Some of my friends gave me an Apple Store gift certificate for my Birthday last year, and the Apple TV was what I purchased with it. I’m really glad I did because it’s been really fun playing around with it, especially since I don’t have cable (yeah I’m still on that kick, but weakening by the day). What’s really been taking up a lot of my time lately is watching video podcasts on it via Youtube. You thought Youtube was a time waster when you’re at your computer? Well, try it relaxing on your couch! I’ve literally spent hours and hours just watching wacky videos by browsing around with my remote.

Overall I’d recommend the Apple TV now that the device has matured a bit. It’s like having a video iPod AND your laptop in the living room, and it really makes me want to spend less time in front of the computer and more time in the living room relaxing a bit with my media. Up next? Video blogging!

Well, I thought I’d give you all an update on my Master Cleanse fasting diet.

Saturday night I was out in Scottsdale for Scott’s birthday. We went to Javino’s Wine Bar which was fun and had a nice decor and ambiance. It was great to catch up with Scott and meet some of his friends and family.

I didn’t order anything to eat because I had the best intentions of just drinking my glass of wine and keeping to my food fast. But I got the impression that others sitting around me were really uncomfortable with eating next to me since I wasn’t having anything, and after a couple of offers to taste a slice of pizza (that looked absolutely delicious with figs and prosciutto) I accepted. It was fantastic…and after I wolfed down a slice of birthday cake the damage was done.

I came home and decided to order a movie on iTunes and just chill for the rest of the night. Well, I tried gulping down a few glasses of the master cleanse lemonade to no avail…I was starving. Literally! All I could think about was how I can not imagine being on my death bed and thinking about how glad I was that I starved myself in 2008.

I then proceeded (ever notice how everyone uses the word proceeded to describe morally suspect happenings? Listen for it the next time you watch Judge Judy) to get online, pull up dominos.com, and order the most extravagant pizza I could assemble with their online pizza tools. Apparently pizza technology had significantly advanced since my diet, because they had the fanciest ecommerce website I’d seen in a long time…it updated me when my pizza had been assembled, when it had gone in the oven, and when Francisco my “pizza delivery expert” had it loaded in his car for delivery. I spent the rest of the night watching V: The Complete Miniseries and eating half of my extra-everything pizza.

The next morning I woke up with a stomach ache from the previous evening’s pizza debauchery. Apparently when you stop eating for 48 hours your body acts like it’s never encountered food before. After relaxing (and eating the rest of the pizza) and doing some housework to prepare for an expected realtor visit, I was off to the mall for my Solo Sunday routine.

At the mall I had some coffee Häagen-Dazs ice cream in a chocolate sprinkle cone. The women at Z Gallerie looked at me with disdain while I circled their store slurping on this indulgent monstrosity, one of them even joking with me that I couldn’t bring it in her store unless I had some for all the staff…she laughed but I could practically hear her stomach lurching at watching me enjoy this delicious dipped and candy-coated goodness. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard it. After my ice cream show, I wandered over to Panda Express to get dinner.

You may already know that I get all of my secret messages from the universe through fortune cookies. And if you don’t believe me that fortune cookies are a rare and magical source of divine intervention, then maybe you can explain to me how the cookies are baked without the paper burning or sticking to the cookie? Or why I always seem to get them on Sundays?

I enjoyed my meal, having thoroughly conquered my fear of food. And as I finished, I cracked open the cookie to reveal a new week’s fortune.

You have the attitude of a winner.

Tangible Tanning is one of my favorite local Phoenix businesses. As you can probably tell, I try to stay tan. Tangible is one of the few tanning salons I’ve used that isn’t an overall annoying experience. In fact, I actually enjoy going a few days a week. I’ve had a monthly unlimited tanning membership here for over a year now.

The space is very modern and clean, and if you didn’t know better you might think you were walking into an art gallery (they do sell the art that’s displayed on the walls). Clayton, who works the front counter, is just about the nicest guy in the world and presents a great face to this business. I am always greeted by name and he always seems willing to do whatever he can to help to help me pick out a lotion, understand upgrade pricing, or decide on a bed type and duration to use.

The beds themselves are modern, clean and seem to always have new bulbs installed. Towels are always available, along with eye goggles that are free for use (I used to take this for granted until I tried a couple salons in L.A. that didn’t offer them). There are plenty of lotions to choose from, and if you buy some here you can keep it behind the counter for when you come in (another feature I used to take for granted until realizing this is not a common offering at salons).

Tangible also owns Tangible fitness next door, an equally gorgeous space that houses a fitness gym. I haven’t tried this gym yet, but plan to try it soon and return with my review.

My mantra is that there are so few businesses anymore that really excel at what they set out to do, and Tangible Tanning is one of them. As always, let them know who sent you if you go!

Tangible Tanning
4530 N. 7th Street
Phoenix, AZ 85014
(602) 274-4664
http://www.tangibletanning.com

For the last two days I’ve been battling an addiction that’s bothering me for quite awhile…food. So I started The Master Cleanse diet on Friday, and so far it’s been almost 48 hours without any solid food! Crazy, huh? I’ve been on a strict liquid diet, but not the kind of liquid diet that’s usually a little more fun…this one is lemonade, salt water and tea.

It’s special lemonade made with fresh lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. The salt water is a separate procedure that’s used in the morning to cleanse. It’s pretty wild if you ask me, and gives a whole new meaning to what it means to cleanse.

I’ve set a few ground rules for myself, one of which is that I’m not going to pressure myself to do the full ten days. Ten seems like it might be a little excessive, so I’m only going to go for as long as I feel I need to (a minimum of five, I think). Also I’m going to allow myself to drink alcohol during the fast, but I’ll probably keep it to clear liquors or wine…and just on the weekend

Why am I doing this? Well, I can tell you that it’s not for the typical reasons. The avid followers of the Master Cleanse diet believe that our bodies are huge vessels of “toxins” that must be purged every three months of the evil man made chemicals that fill us up every day. The guy who invented the diet in the 50’s is actually pretty crazy and was eventually convicted of several crimes, among them practicing medicine without a license. I’m not like him or his followers, as I understand some of the basic science of the human body and know better than to think this diet can cure every disease known to man (or any at all).

Rather, the reason is that I’ve been eating a lot lately out of boredom. I actually didn’t get out of the house at all this week, and started to get a little crazy toward the end. I go through these periods of boredom, eating, depression…and in the end I get so wrapped up in guilt for not following a diet, confusion over what to eat, etc., that i just have this urge to give up eating altogether and start anew after a break. So that’s what I’ve done, albeit in a more controlled manner than how I’ve made it sound. I’ve also given up a few more things, like caffeine and my daily allergy pills. Overall I’m hoping to lose a few pounds and spend a little time planning a better diet and fitness routine for after it’s over.

This was actually recommended to me by a doctor once, so I think it’s safe enough. I’ll let you know how it goes. Incidentally I’ve lost four pounds already, so that looks promising.

Lately for the last few months it seems like none of my friends ever want to do anything during the day, or on Sundays at all for that matter. So one of my usual activities on Sunday afternoons has been going shopping at one of the local malls. It’s a little more than just a quick shopping trip, as it usually turns into a whole afternoon of cruising around, eating lunch and browsing through some merchandise. The mall is actually a great place to go by yourself, because where else can you spend hours walking around entertaining yourself by doing virtually nothing? It’s better than staying home and watching t.v. (or wasting hours on the internet), and it gets me out of the house and forces me into a little bit of human interaction. Seriously…what else am I going to do?

Usually I go to Scottsdale Fashion Square, but today I went to Arizona Mills because I wanted to get some cologne (my V-Day present to myself) at one of the fragrance outlets. While I was eating lunch I had some time to think about my mall trip activities, and came up with this favorites list.

Some of my favorite things to do at the mall:

1. Shop. I know, I know, you think this is really obvious. But usually when there’s something I need to buy, I am in and out of a store relatively quickly. Lately however, I’m learning the fine art of shopping…which for me has started to involve talking to sales people, trying on things I wouldn’t typically buy, buying something I didn’t necessarily need or want, and evaluating new styles and fashion trends. One of the stores I like to shop at lately has been Sephora…the sales people there are really friendly to chat with and are more than happy to let me try all kinds of different fragrances and skin products. One thing I recently found out is that they’ll give you a sample of any fragrance…even if they don’t have a pre-packaged sample, they’ll make one for you.

2. Check out hot guys. What, no surprise here either? Well, one thing you can find at the mall that you don’t normally see at the bars or clubs are hot young DILFs. Ha, seriously…lots of them. Here’s one I stalked today. I think he was totally on to me - aiming my iPhone at him with my mouth hanging open may have given it away - but who cares, you know?

3. Gawk at puppies. Every mall has one of those damn puppy stores. I’m totally against puppy farms, and pedigreed dogs and all that, but they are so cute! I would never buy a puppy anywhere except for the pound, but it’s fun to go look at them at the mall because you don’t see puppies this tiny and young at the pound. Here’s one I was hanging out with today - usually they don’t even notice people anymore outside the glass, but this one liked me and posed for a picture!

4. Eat. Panda Express is actually my favorite food, and the mall is the only place I can really get it. Sometimes I get cookies too, and totally pig out. Again, who cares?

I haven’t been to Arizona Mills in a very long time, but Scottsdale Fashion Square is still my favorite. It was really funny today and I was cracking myself up, because Arizona Mills is very…urban. “Urban” is the code I use with my friends to describe a certain type of demographic (Jerry and I took this from an old Dana Carvey SNL skit). So I started telling myself today that I probably shouldn’t stereotype as much as I do..and just as I was thinking about that, I started to notice that there were alarms going off in almost every store that I passed by! And every 10 minutes or so, I would see security guards questioning and apprehending shoppers that had apparently just stolen something. Ha, so there you go…my urban shopping experience…complete with DILF stalking, adorable puppies, fried rice and cookies, and rampant petty theft!