Jerry Timms

I was inspired a few days ago to start the mental legwork for this post after reading an interview with Gavin Newsom, Mayor of San Francisco, in this month’s issue of The Advocate.

Mayor Newsom ordered the City of San Francisco to begin granting marriage licenses to gay couples in 2004. The marriages began on February 12, and about 4,000 couples were married by the city until the California Supreme Court stepped in 29 days later and stopped it. A case is still pending in court (with the City of San Francisco as the plaintiff) that will ultimately decide if the court will allow marriages statewide or not - that decision is due very soon.

Mayor Newsom is not gay. He followed his principles, and ironically he got a lot of criticism for it from the gay community. Why? Because nobody thought this was the right time to do something like this, and many believed for awhile that Mayor Newsom may have triggered a national backlash against gays that may have helped get Bush re-elected and get many state constitutional amendments passed to ban gay marriage. Maybe it did and maybe it didn’t, although much new research is proving that the backlash and constitutional amendment momentum had already started well before Newsom decided to start marrying gay couples in his city.

Even his inner circle of advisers at the time thought it was very bad timing, and that the Mayor was likely destroying his political career. Asked how the final decision was made to go ahead with the marriage orders, he replies,

“The ultimate assessment was: So what? We talk about principles. And if you can’t stand for what you believe in, what’s the point?”

Mayor Newsom is my hero for this. But this post is not merely about gay marriage.

What other hopes and dreams do we all have, that are kept on the back burner because we’re waiting for something else to fall into place?

I want to be in a relationship, but I’m not where I want to be with my career yet. I want to get back into shape but I’m too busy with work right now to get to the gym. I want to get married but I have to save up for money for the ceremony. I want to move somewhere else but I haven’t finished fixing up my house yet. I want to start dating again but I’m not totally over my last relationship yet. I want to…

I have only recently been able to move my life forward again when I realized a few things. That everything is possible at every moment, and it’s never the right time. Everything else is just an excuse, because greatness never follows good timing.

I’ve come to understand over the last few weeks that I’m still limiting my own life experiences out of fear of being out of control. I avoid dating anyone who doesn’t fit what I believe is my perfect match, I don’t socialize with people who don’t share all of my core values, I pass on all activities that I think I may not enjoy.

Eventually all these useless limits we place on ourselves build up, and guarantee a boring life devoid of any change or development. Mayor Newsom didn’t get his state’s Supreme Court to look at gay marriage by waiting for the right time to flaunt state law, any more than you’re going to fall in love by waiting until your life is perfect before you start dating, any more than a gay man is ever going to make new friends by waiting for a complete lack of sexual awkwardness, any more than you’re going to get a ripped body by waiting for tons of free time to manifest itself for going to the gym. It’s all bad timing, so get used to it!

I’m not proposing that you live your life with reckless and careless abandon. But my hunch is that when you are at the end of your life, you will look fondly at the times that you stepped clear out of your comfort zone and changed everything about the life that happened afterwards.

That was an email signature line I used a long time ago, a quote from Arthur C. Clarke, who died today. I wanted to take a moment to reflect on some of the impact he had on my life.

I have a very vivid memory being taken as a kid to Mann’s Chinese Theater in Los Angeles to see 2001: A Space Odyssey. I was a nerdy kid who had a telescope and books about UFOs and aliens scattered around my room. 2001 was one of the first movies I saw that I thought gave a realistic view of what human space travel might look like in the near future.

Childhood’s End, one of my favorite books, was also one of the few I have ever read cover to cover in one sitting. I studied this book and several of his short stories in my college science fiction class, fascinated with his ideas of technology and quasi-spiritual paranormal purpose.

I didn’t realize or know until I did a little bit of research today that he was also gay. Interesting. Well, cheers and thanks…

American public service ads and propaganda are so useless. It really bothers me, because I think they could be a lot more effective than they are if they would just offer some more realistic and factual information. Here are a couple of examples:

Stayteen.org
I was excited when I first saw an ad for this organization, because I thought maybe they were on to something. Telling girls not to get pregnant because if they do then they lose out on the rest of their teens? It sounded like a very realistic message to me. Well, that’s sort of the message…except that the website does nothing but preach abstinence. As I paged through the site, I didn’t see anything about safe sex…just information about “waiting.” Useless. There is no information to prove that abstinence programs are decreasing the rate of teen sex…in fact it’s been steadily increasing for many years.

The Meth Project
This one has irritated me ever since this billboard sprung up near my house. This campaign uses increasingly disturbing images to try to scare kids into never trying methamphetamines. The fact is that these are not the typical effects or faces of a meth abuser - in fact this lipstick one is plain impossible because meth doesn’t rearrange your teeth. Even the American Dental Association has admitted that meth mostly contributes to tooth decay by making users less likely to brush their teeth, more likely to have a high sugar diet, and not by any directly corrosive action. (Wikepedia: Meth Mouth) That’s not what the ads infer, is it?

The reason why it bothers me so much is because this is why these campaigns fail. They fail because there is a large disconnect between the public service ads and what kids actually see occurring with their friends’ experiences with a drug and/or sex. So they instantly write off any communicated dangers as government trash propaganda (which it is) and they go ahead and try drugs/sex anyway.

For once I’d like to see an accurate public service ad. Tell people that they can more easily get HIV if they do meth, because sex is more extended and they are six times more likely to forget to use condoms. Or that it is so much more addictive than the other drugs that it isn’t a good recreational drug choice. Or that it may get you fired from your job because your sleeping schedule will be screwed up and you’ll never be able to get to work on time, and feel awful in the process. I don’t care what it is, just say something accurate.

But if you tell people meth is going to make you look like your face exploded, well…that’s right about when they stop listening because we all know people who do or have done meth, and that just isn’t what typically happens, is it?

The fact is that there are some drugs that are legitimately very risky, and many are unaware of those real dangers because they are disregarded in public service campaigns for more sensationalized images that mean nothing.

I was laughing until I saw that she stole my opposite-aisle-direction trick.

Alright, I’ve just about had it with the lunacy that surrounds the illegal immigration debate. I get going about this quite often, but today I read a story that was linked from Drudge, titled “Study: Illegal immigration costs border counties millions.”

I was actually really intrigued by this, and wondered if it had in fact been proven that illegal immigration costs taxpayers as much as the conservative activists would have us believe. So, I clicked onto the story and began reading. Here’s the entire story, that had been reprinted from The Arizona Republic:

Study: Illegal immigration costs border counties millions

PHOENIX (AP) - A new study concludes that law enforcement and criminal prosecutions linked to illegal immigration is costing Arizona border counties millions of dollars a year.

The study says the battle over illegal immigration is also diverting money from parks, libraries and other law-enforcement efforts.

University of Arizona and San Diego State University researchers say in the four border counties in Arizona, costs increased 39% to $26.6 million in fiscal 2006.

The study was commissioned by the U.S.-Mexico Border Counties Coalition, a non-profit group of border-county officials.

Do you see what they did here? I hope you do, because this is really typical of how this debate is manipulated. The title of the story insinuates that illegal immigrants are a drain on our public resources - you know, like healthcare, education and other benefits that get discussed often in reference to the overall debate. In fact the title does more than insinuate it, it pretty much lets you believe that the very act of illegal immigration costs us millions.

But that’s not what the study proves. The study concludes that PROSECUTING illegal immigrants for being here is costing us millions. Actually it doesn’t really prove anything that’s difficult to believe, as I think anyone knows that prosecuting them and deporting them is going to cost something. The “study” just adds up the numbers. But I think you can see that most people who read this would get a different impression if they don’t think carefully about the language here. They are going to think that illegal immigrants costs us money just by being here, and that’s just not the case.

Those who are adamantly opposed to illegal immigration and support drastic measures to curb it are, quite seriously, lying to you about the facts and are simply trying to hide their own racism.

Healthcare
Opponents want you to believe that illegal immigrants are responsible for our out of control healthcare costs because they use up free services at hospital emergency rooms. While partially true, they are not responsible for the vast majority of this problem - Americans are. The fact is that nearly 50 million Americans don’t have health insurance, either. But this argument completely ignores the fact that many will pay for care at clinics, just like other uninsured people do. Regardless, if controlling healthcare costs were really a concern for one of these people, they would address the biggest problem - which is uninsured Americans. But that’s not their concern.

Education
Opponents want you to believe that illegal immigrants are responsible for our poor education spending and quality. This is not true because, as you know, schools are mostly funded by property taxes. Even though a family may be illegal, they are living somewhere that is owned by someone - and taxes are being paid by that owner. Illegal immigrants are no more responsible for grabbing an unfair percentage of education spending than anyone else who rents a residence instead of owns one. Besides that, even if it were true wouldn’t it be balanced out by the 10% of the population who are gay and pays to fund their local schools even though they don’t commonly have children? If we got really technical here, I could also craft a sound argument that Walmart is a drain on our public services. But that’s not their concern, either.

Circular Reasoning
Of course the crux of these and other arguments is that since their employment is not legitimate, they do not (cannot) pay taxes, and thus do not properly contribute to the society in which they live. I’ll give them that. So let’s legitimize their employment! So they can pay taxes! No? What, why not? Oh, because they are a drain and do not properly contribute to our tax system. Huh? Do you see the circular reasoning?

So, what’s the real concern here? I’ll tell you what it is, because everyone who argues against immigration with me is thinking the same damn thing.

The strong opponents of immigration don’t like looking at Mexicans and think they’re dirty. They think they have too many babies and spread illness. They think they have ugly houses and drive old cars. They think that they all have a knife or gun on them, and do drugs all day. They think that they all want to open up little shops on their business corners that will be roasting chiles all day and selling tamales in bags by the side of the road in ragged clothing.

Can we have the real argument now?

I’ve been watching the AMC series Mad Men for the last few weeks on AppleTV. I think the first season ended last fall, but I’ve been buying the episodes on iTunes as I have time to watch them. So if you haven’t seen it yet I think that’s your only chance, unless it’s on reruns or is out on DVD. I’m about half way through season one and I have to say I’m really intrigued. It’s actually been awhile since I’ve watched a television show and become so drawn into the lives of its characters.

The series is set in 1960 and tells the stories of Madison Avenue advertising executives and their families. It seems to be a fairly accurate portrayal of the time - complete with chain smoking, drinking, and men putting women in their place. In fact I’d say that one of the three is always occurring, and especially when the men are at work. The series has been praised for its high production value and its exploration of social mores in the period.

What really interests me is the fairly consistent dilemma that all of the characters endure (at least so far in the season). They all want to be with someone that they can’t be with 100%. Don Draper wants to be with his mistress all the time, but ironically she is emotionally unavailable to him because she is in love with someone else. He says in one of the early episodes to her, “It feels like we have everything, and nothing at the same time.” Don Draper’s wife wants him to be emotionally available to her and their kids, but he isn’t. The other executives and their wives, mistresses and family all have the same problem. One will ask for more, while the other maintains their satisfaction with the current situation, and so far it seems like nobody will ever reach their desired level of happiness.

I don’t want to totally spoil it, but would be interested in hearing comments from anyone who has seen the series. I think there’s something there, and will be digging in a little deeper as I watch more episodes. Obviously the message has affected me somewhat, and I think I’ll keep watching.

This might seem like kind of a retarded post, but a feature story in this month’s Details magazine has reminded me about how much I love breakfast. It’s kind of ironic, because morning is my least favorite time of day. But I love every kind of breakfast food, and the fact that I’m never up (or hungry) in the morning means I hardly ever get to eat breakfasty things anymore.

I remember when I was a kid that my family would often go out to eat pancakes on Sundays. I looked forward to it all the time, and sometimes it was all that would get me through mass…just thinking about that melted butter and warm syrup. Or sometimes on Saturdays, or Sundays when we skipped chiurch, my dad would bring donuts home (he was a cop, and yes he ate donuts all the time). I’d eat my donuts at the table while smelling my dad’s delicious coffee with cream and sugar all mixed in (he would let me taste it sometimes, and it never tasted as good as it smelled).

During the week my mom would cook either cereal (Cream of Wheat), eggs or toaster waffles for breakfast, although I was never hungry enough that early in the morning to really enjoy it. It was kind of ridiculous how early school started, and I could almost throw up right now just thinking about it. Although at some point I started realizing that most of my friends didn’t have moms that cooked them breakfast every morning, and then I started enjoying it a little more.

Sometimes when my dad was working the night shift, which was pretty often when I was younger, my mom would make scrambled egg sandwiches for dinner. She’d always make easy things like that when my dad wasn’t eating with us, and we’d eat in the living room while watching tv. Eventually it was just my mom and me on Friday nights…my older sister was just old enough to be out with friends and my dad would be working, and so I have these memories of hanging out with my mom with these scrambled egg sandwiches and watching a cheesy miniseries on tv. And of course staying up late until whatever we were watching was over.

It’s funny because I started this post by thinking I was just going to go on stupidly about how much I like pancakes and other high carb early delights, but now all these great childhood memories are coming flooding back. I suppose there are a lot of emotions I have tied in with breakfast, possibly more so than with any other food, and now it all makes a little more sense.

Well today is Sunday, so you know what that means.

Hot dads…

Cute doggies…

This puppy was pretty cute, but kept moving around so I had to wave my camera in front of his face to get him to pose for a picture. Oh, wait…no the puppy was fine I think I got these two pictures confused.

I was at Myst Nightclub in Scottsdale last night to see ATB. ATB was awesome, but this review is not about ATB - it’s about Myst.

My friend and I got tickets online for the show, and when we showed up at the door at around 10pm we waited in line to get in. The doorman let people in just a couple at a time, very slowly. And when it was finally just us inline, he made us wait several more minutes. He was about to let us in when he saw us holding our tickets, and then directed us to another entrance.

After we were inside the club, we were surprised to see virtually nobody in there. Why were we made to wait at the door? Are clubs really still trying this cheesy trick to make the club seem busier and more exclusive?

Once inside, we ordered redbull/vodkas. The flyer for the event said that they were $4 all night; we were charged $10 each. The bartender denied the special existed. So we looked on some of the tables, saw the flyers scattered around everywhere - and realized that the flyer said “$4 redbull vodkas all night in Ballroom.” Ah, so we were mistaken and needed to go into the ballroom and order our drinks.

Here’s the flyer, which was also posted on their website, distributed at the Area event last weekend, and folded neatly on every table in Myst:

For our next round, we went in the ballroom and ordered a new round of redbull/vodkas; we were charged $10 each again. The new bartender told us the flyer was a misprint. We grabbed one of the flyers from a nearby table and expressed surprise that it could be a misprint and asked to talk to his manager. He actually had the nerve to grab the flyer from us and attempt to hide it and ignore our request for a manager. We didn’t order any more drinks that night.

Honestly, I’m surprised that such a well known club in Scottsdale would display such amateurish and ethically suspect behavior. This actually gave me a lot of hope for the club scene in Phoenix, because I thought that if Myst had such a hard time getting it together then surely many others can do better!

Even though I’m carefully nursing a little bit of a cold, Jerry and I will be headed to Myst in Scottsdale to see ATB tomorrow night! This will be the second time I’ve seen him. The first time was in 2006 at Circus Disco in L.A., on my birthday. I’m sure this will be another great show, so check it out if you’re in the area!