Jerry Timms

Burn Nightclub closed two weekends ago on January 19th, and some of us were there to see it off into the abyss that so many great dance clubs have fallen into in recent Phoenix history. For me this started with Crowbar, then Boom, and now Burn.

I’m sure the hetero clubs probably come and go all the time and nobody gives them a second thought, but since there are so few gay dance clubs in Phoenix we all like to add our own theories about why they “didn’t make it.” I’m no different, and since I’ve had a few weeks to think about I’m ready to present to you my Burn autopsy results.

Why did Burn close down as a gay dance club? The Phoenix New Times named Burn Best Gay Bar 2007 (although the reader’s choice was Amsterdam). It was barely more than a year old. But suddenly, and without fanfare, it was closed.

The official story is that it’s been sold, and will reopen again as an improved version of itself…likely a hetero club. But I don’t think this was a planned sale, as things looked bad for awhile before an unexpected and sale and close. I think the sale was Plan B, since a successful club would surely be held for longer than a year (business valuations are often some standard multiplier of last year’s revenue). The crowd volume slowly but surely diminished over time, and there has been barely more than a dozen or so patrons for many weeks.

Was it suicide or murder? Some have been quick to criticize Burn itself for poor management. To be honest, I would like to believe this was the case…because if poor management was to blame, then that means the Phoenix “market” can still support a gay dance club like Burn, and it makes it that much more likely that such a club will be opening again in the near future. If this really were the case, then these are the likely suspects. Note that these are mostly a collection of complaints I’ve collected from others…I was there until the very end, so I obviously didn’t have much of a problem with the place.

Pricing
Any time something other than a total dive bar is opened, some cheap queen is going to be there complaining about drink prices. The fact is that we get so spoiled on weekday 2-4-1 nights and happy hours that it’s a little bit of a shock to have to pay $5-10 a drink on Saturdays. However, the reality is that Burn was no more than $1 or $2 higher than average gay bar drink prices. (And they were definitely a little less than the typical Scottsdale hetero club prices.) My thoughts are that if such a small price disparity is going to ruin your night, then you might need to re-evaluate how much you’re drinking. It isn’t necessary to drink like a fish in order to have a good time…although if you can afford it, it doesn’t hurt

I’ve also heard complaints about the cover charge at Burn. For some special events it was $20, but 95% of the time it was only $5. For some reason the guys in Phoenix won’t think twice about paying a hefty $10-20 cover in West Hollywood, but have a problem paying a few bucks in Phoenix. This is an odd contradiction because we’d like Phoenix to become more like West Hollywood, but in the end we have a hard time placing that much value in it. However, if $5 is enough to make you think twice about going to a club then I think there are probably other more important reasons why you don’t like it.

Pricing Autopsy Results: Unlikely cause of death

Too Gay?

The most interesting complaint that I have heard is that gay Phoenicians are just not that into the gay bar scene anymore. I saw this recently on several online profiles and Myspace pages, as well as hearing it firsthand from some of the younger crowd. Could the days of gay bars be over? It does in fact seem as though everyone is coming out at an earlier age and is so much more comfortable with being gay, that they may no longer feel the need to go to a gay bar to be private about their sexuality. Many of us have been discussing the possibility of this scene (along with the circuit party scene) dying, although I’m not buying the argument as much as I used to.

The reason? Amsterdam and Charlie’s are still packed. There is clearly still a market for gay bars and clubs (technically Charlie’s is a dance club, as ghetto as it is). They are doing something right where Burn has failed.

Gayness Autopsy Results: Unlikely cause of death

Parking
An odd rumor began circulating town the end of Burn that parking was almost impossible to find. Well, I have to tell you that we (meaning Rich) drove most of time and never had a hard time finding parking along one of the nearby streets. And there are so many parking garages that sit almost empty around downtown Phoenix that it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would have a hard time with parking. It was clear that this rumor even reached the management at Burn, because they started sending out messages on Myspace that they would give you a free drink if you could show them a ticket from the nearby parking garage. Again, if this was enough to keep you from going to Burn then I think there were bigger problems with the club than this false parking problem.

Parking Autopsy Results: Unlikely cause of death

Traffic
Downtown Phoenix streets have been in a bit of a shambles over the last year while construction proceeds on the light rail project. Personally, the construction has been very exciting for me since I believe that the light rail will being more urban development to downtown Phoenix. But for some, the traffic associated with street closures, redirection and uneven paving surfaces is just too much to bear.

Especially for those who live in the suburbs (in the Phoenix area this refers to mostly everyone) this situation may force them to stay away from downtown Phoenix altogether until everything is clean and organized again to their liking. Those of you reading this from another metropolitan city may think this is ridiculous, but you need to know that Phoenix is not a town of “city dwellers.” Most of us who love cities end up moving away, and the rest of us who choose to stay will end up dumbfounded over the reasons why the artifacts of urban life continue to fail to take root in Phoenix; the supposed fifth largest city in the United States.

Traffic Autopsy Results: Possible cause of death

Aesthetics

By far the number one complaint I have always heard about Burn is that the layout of the club is too awkward. Indeed, when you walked in you would instantly fee like you are on the dancefloor (because you were) and the only bar runs the entire length of it. Those who are intimidated by dancing would not like the layout, and it was difficult to find an area to talk with friends without actually going outside to the patio. I agree that the layout could have been far better, and prefer clubs that have several distinct and private areas to socialize, as well as a dedicated area for dancing.

Aesthetics Autopsy Results: Possible cause of death

Marketing
From the beginning, Burn’s marketing was somewhat suspect due to their extremely poor website. It started out as a bit of a joke, because my website and Rich’s actually ranked higher for search terms such as “Burn Nightclub” than the real Burn website itself. When the website was launched it had several errors on it – for example, signing up for their event notification list always triggered an error message, and it was never fixed. It was never updated with new events or photos, and even to this day has not been updated to the fact that the club is closed down.

Now, their poor website is not even close to be being a plausible reason for the failure of the club – but I find that poor websites are a good indication of how much attention is being paid to overall business marketing, because a website is a relatively inexpensive and easy item to complete on any basic marketing checklist. And if the website was never finished or fixed, then what else was being ignored?

Marketing Autopsy Results: Possible cause of death

The Hotness Factor

I have never heard this explicit complaint from others, but it’s my own personal complaint against Burn. Honestly, there were never very many hot guys there. Sure, a few here and there, but it wasn’t a “hot crowd.” I mentioned that most people don’t have a problem spending a pricey cover in West Hollywood, but that’s because it’s well worth it for the ability to cruise a ton of hot guys. Not so with Burn, we’d be paying a cover to basically stare at a mediocre crowd…possibly a Phoenix-wide problem, but that’s for another time.

Consistent with my friend Jerry’s hypothesis, everything is motivated by sex. Without it, there’s nothing. Argue all you want, but you know its true. And for whatever reason Burn didn’t do a very good job of getting and keeping the hottest guys coming. Even on those “night out” photo pages in the gay rags, the pages were filled with a spread of the most fugly club-goers you’ve ever seen.

Burn started out with some pretty hot bartenders and waiters, but then their staff dwindled over time. In fact, I remember that the overall crowd started diminishing when Steven left. Probably a coincidence…I’m just saying

Hotness Autopsy Results: Possible cause of death

In the end, it appears that there may be several factors leading up to Burn’s death. However, there is likely one main cause that precipitated the other factors having more of an effect. I’m going to call it….it was the hotness factor. Although I would welcome any feedback to the contrary.