Jerry Timms

…said my friend Vikram at the final closing party of our White Party weekend in Palm Springs. The lights were swirling, Tony Moran was spinning something amazing, the air was hot, and our friends were smiling everywhere…

Now, let’s rewind…

One year ago I came to the White Party Palm Springs with Rich and Justin. It was my first circuit party weekend and I was the most scared and excited that I had ever been. I had an amazing time, and I met more people than I could remember.

Fast forward one year, and literally everywhere I went I ran into a familiar and smiling face. I enjoyed meeting new people and introducing old friends to new, and spending time with those I rarely see. I realized over the course of the weekend that I have more friends now at circuit events than I do in my own town, and it really is becoming sort of a new home for me.

I feel like a new person each time. Sure I’ll always be Jerry Timms, but I’m changing slowly and I’m pleased with where it’s going.

My friend Jason came with us, and it was fun to watch him experience his first circuit party. I happened to notice one of the moments on Friday night when it all came together for him. I watched as a wave of happiness/euphoria/freedom swept across his face as he realized he could be anything or anyone at that moment in time. I think he’s hooked now just like the rest of us!

The title up above isn’t exactly true, since my boyfriend Anthony wasn’t there. I found myself missing him a lot, and the thought of going to One Mighty Weekend in Orlando in six weeks without him was a little unbearable. So, I’m happy that he’s decided to go with me! I’m excited for the chance to introduce him to all my friends who aren’t here in Phoenix, and the opportunity to show him what we’re up to with all this crazy traveling.

It keeps getting better!

Well be careful what you wish for I guess, because parts of last night were a little bit irritating and I thought I’d share to see if anyone else has had a similar experience lately.

I went out to Burn and Charlie’s with Rich, and for some reason (I think because the gay softball world series is in town and there were a lot of out-of-towners) I got hit on constantly throughout the night.  Literally every time I would leave Rich’s vicinity to get a drink or use the restroom, I would be confronted by someone who was introducing themselves and asking me a lot of questions.  While I normally like this, and who wouldn’t on occasion, some of them were rather aggressive to the point of creepily following me around and appearing everywhere I was during the course of the evening.

I  would often be dancing, and literally turn to one side to see someone staring at me, and turn to the other side to see the same thing.  Come out of the bathroom, one is there waiting for me.  Getting poked all night by passers-by on the dance floor (yeah it was weird).  I was polite of course, and enjoying meeting new people, but I really think that I wasn’t getting my point across that I wasn’t interested in anything more than that.  At one point someone gave me their phone number, but I was quickly uninterested when he told me that he was only in town for a couple more days and wanted to go out with me.  Delete.

So this all comes down to one of my biggest pet peeves, which is guys who don’t get the hint and are inappropriately aggressive when I’m trying to relax and have a good time.  I am a very casual and tenuous person when it comes to meeting new people (it often takes me some amount of time to warm up to someone) and I’m really turned off by the aggressiveness and rapid fire questioning that happens at bars sometimes.  I also find it really awkward when someone wants to ask you out at a bar, because I really don’t feel like I know them well enough (or sometimes that I am sober enough) to make a proper determination if it’s someone I want to know on that level.  Ha, several bad decisions in the past have certainly made me a lot more careful about giving out my number.  I’d like to be friendly to everyone, but I really resent the fact that sometimes I feel forced to be blatantly dismissive when someone gets out of hand and doesn’t want to take the gentle hints I’m giving them.  I’ve tried the honest approach before, where I may politely explain why I’m not interested, but that has usually only led to unwanted debate or arguing.

Of course there are exceptions to all this if I have a strong gut feeling that someone is a match, but that’s rare.  That’s why you’ll often hear of me making dates after online chat rather than meeting in person at a bar or club, because when you chat with someone online you have a chance to research them a bit through their online profile responses.

Now that I’m thinking about all this, I can see a sharp contrast to the dynamics that I usually experience at circuit parties out of town.  It seems like everyone is not as inappropriately aggressive at those parties and it’s ok to meet someone, talk for a bit, share a compliment or two, and then move on to enjoy the scene and the music.  Saying hi to someone at those events doesn’t seem to commit you to having them stalking you all night.  There are exceptions to that, but they are few and far between. Those who don’t know anything about that scene may think that the opposite is true, that everyone is really aggressive and the environment sexually overwhelming, but it’s not like that at all - at least in my limited experience.

An assortment of photos from last weekend. I didn’t take all of these - some/most were taken by Rich. I’ve gotten into a bad habit of not taking very many pictures, thinking that others will take so many that it won’t matter. While partially true, it means that I have to steal pictures from my friends if I want something to post on my blog! So here you go. You’ll notice that there aren’t any pictures from the late night Arena and Fete Accompli parties, and that’s because the dim lighting and sweat-inducing 90+ degree temperatures at these parties make for very scary looking pictures!

Relaxing at Tony’s house on Friday

Philip, Justin, Rich and me on the Friday night Harbor Cruise

Talking to Mike at the parade. Bernard looks bored!

See? Get him a drink and he’s all better!

Philip, me, Sarah and Justin at the parade

Justin, Rich and me at the Zoo Party on Sunday

I’ve returned from San Diego Pride with my friends, and although I’m a bit exhausted today I thought I’d take some time to reflect on the weekend.

I challenged myself last weekend to start talking a little more to people I don’t know. Circuit parties are highly social events, and so I have found them to sometimes be a little intimidating. Ok, maybe really intimidating. I don’t know why I’m shy, but I just am. Now this wasn’t a new challenge, I’ve been gradually building up to this point during the course of the year, but I really gave myself an ultimatum this time that I really want to get myself over the worst part of this shyness and put that all behind me.

Luckily, it wasn’t really a challenge. I found it quite easy (both sober and not) to say hi to people, introduce myself, and make some casual conversation. Actually I’m really amazed at the number of people I met because I don’t think I’ve met that many new people in one weekend before, even at some of the larger circuit events. The primary goal of the weekend is of course to hang out with my best friends, but it was also nice to expand the social circle a bit. For once I actually remember the people from the weekend better than the music! And I think I’ve returned to Phoenix with a greater feeling of self-confidence than I’ve ever had before.

Speaking of trying new things, Jerry met me in San Diego for the closing party of the weekend, and it was a lot of fun having him there. While having drinks one night with Jerry last week, I made an offer to buy his ticket if he would come out to one of the parties with us. It turned out he had the required days off, his girlfriend was going to be out of town so he didn’t have any plans, and so he accepted. The next day I was a little afraid that he might have accepted just because we were out at the bar (aka drunk talk), but I immediately bought his ticket anyway and sent him the details of the party. It turned out he was serious about coming, and so we made plans for Sunday.

Despite initially being a little out of his element for obvious reasons, I think Jerry had a great time. He danced like a circuit boy and socialized with some of my newer friends throughout the course of the evening, hopefully getting a good taste for what these events are all about - challenging yourself, letting your guard down and meeting new people, and enjoying some great music and entertainment. It really meant a lot to me that he was willing to try out an event like this, knowing how much I enjoy them. And so whether or not he decides to do it again, at least he may understand a little bit more about what I’ve been up to, and I can tell him stories of future travels without him thinking I’m completely crazy!

So, thanks to Tony and DJ for their top notch hospitality, and thanks to new friends and best friends for spending a great weekend with me in San Diego. I couldn’t imagine life right now without you.

I’m back in Phoenix and happy to report that I just had probably the best weekend ever…in Orlando for One Mighty Weekend and Disney Gay Days.

To be really honest, last weekend was a bit of a test. I was considering retiring from the party scene for awhile. Why? Well that was my apprehension about not having goals and whatnot. I felt a little wary about continuing along this path if it was just going to continue to be more of the same. I figured that I have learned some things and improved myself at past events, and if I continued going to parties it would just be for purely hedonistic reasons.

Well that wasn’t the case, and this past weekend really showed me that there’s no limit to how much you can learn about yourself and others when you’re in this type of environment. Plus I’m really grateful for being able to spend some more bonding time with newer friends like Philip, Bernard, Kendall, Tony and Dallas Justin.

Don’t get me wrong, there was a fair bit of hedonism as well. Several of the 9 parties last weekend were just absolutely insane, and I never knew it was possible to have that much fun!

The desire to spend time with ‘people who are like you’ is strong and necessary for every gay man and woman. And after you jump into that sea of acceptance, joy and love…you come out of it, at the same time, both less and more of the person you once were.

Coming back home from a circuit party is a harsh transition from a created Utopia to the real world, where this acceptance and love can be hard to find. We have very real enemies here…and most of you who read this allow it to continue. Luckily, we come back stronger every time with less fear and more confidence in the people that we are and can be. And even if we get only a glimpse of the glory that’s possible in life, it’s a glimpse nonetheless, and that’s something.

It was about midnight, and we were lined up outside the Queen Mary. It was cold outside at the harbor, but we were still warm from the previous event that night which abruptly ended after noise complaints from the hotel guests. The music was fantastic in the Britannia room, where blue lighting swirled and dancers in giant neon monster masks shot confetti at us from space guns. A room full of shirtless boys danced and pulsated in the spectacle that was one of the Tribe parties this weekend.

Rich, rather appropriately, remarked that straight people just don’t ever have this much fun. And if they could see what we were doing all night, they would think we were absolutely crazy. And then we heard “The party’s been moved downstairs.” So we walked down some stairs and outside the ship (figuring out along the way from some glass encased exhibits and strained intoxicated math that this ship was 73 years old) and waited for the next event.

The line outside the ship eventually started moving, and we were finally ushered rather somberly into the ship again. But this time we were directed down a few flights of stairs, along a long black hallway, and down even some more flights of stairs. Surely we were at least 50 feet under the water line at this point, and it was dead quiet and felt a bit suffocating. It smelled like old metal, damp wood and hydraulic fluid.

Then I heard the thump and knew we were getting close. Down another hallway and around a corner, and then we saw the glow of what must be our final destination. Suddenly in a lobby area glowing red from some discreet light source, we knew we had arrived. I walked through a doorway and saw the dance floor.

All I thought was wow, this really was the boiler room. 50 foot steel walls framed a very large space adorned with mangled pipes and cut steel beams. A riveted steel ceiling hung tenuously above us with various pipes and tubes that had surely served some very important purpose when this ship was in working order. Ominous red lights swooped around the room illuminating every detail for only seconds at a time, and it felt more as though we were in some natural underground cavern rather than a man made cruise ship. The “afterhours” music was thumping, and we inserted ourselves into the dance floor and started moving.

Afterhours is my favorite time to dance. The music is dark, the dance floor is dark, and everything feels very serious and sensual. This is my time for meditation and prayer. I think about everyone I’m with, who I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going. My body moves effortlessly to the rhythm of the music, and I let it take me where it takes me. All the while delighting in being reconnected once again with the energy of my tribe.

Mr. X was here tonight, looking and feeling better than ever. Looking around us, so many others were smiling and introducing themselves that we really felt at home here and had a great time dancing together and talking to everyone around us…old friends and new. The experience really is at times beyond words.

One guy in particular was dancing near us, and had the greatest smile and a wise, piercing gaze. After remarking to myself how happy and content he seemed, I noticed a Kanji tattoo on his back. After meeting him later and realizing that he was here from San Diego with our new circuit friend Grace, I patted his back and asked him what his tattoo meant.

His response? Soul revival.

Well I’m pleased to report that Chapter 5 is starting out nicely, and so the countdown begins for my trip to One Mighty Weekend, June 1-3 in Orlando.

Benefitting the Elton John AIDS Foundation, One Mighty Weekend is one of the largest parties on the circuit. We’re going up a little early so that we can also go to Disneyworld for a day before the party starts.

Some of the events are at theme park venues such as Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon and the Disney MGM Studios, and so far it looks like Kathy Griffin is confirmed for a guest performance. The main event is at the Hard Rock Live concert venue at Universal Studios CityWalk. If you’re interested you can read more at www.OneMightyWeekend.com.

Read more posts on this site labeled “One Mighty Weekend”

I’ve returned tonight from my weekend in Palm Springs, and I have to say that it really was the Spring Break that I always wished I’d had - not to mention one of the best times ever. So thanks to everyone who spent time with me and I look forward to seeing you again soon!

Like any worthwhile endeavor I took away something much greater than what was expected…lessons in friendship, love, pride and strength. If you haven’t been to the White Party then I recommend that you go the next chance you get!

This is us before we headed down to the Basic Training party on Friday night. Bernard and Tony weren’t in town yet becase of a flight delay.

Me at Basic Training, a military themed dance that was at the hotel. 3 of the weekend parties were at the hotel, which made it very convenient since we didn’t have to walk far, and because for 2 of those parties we had the option of going up to the room and coming back down for re-entry.

Standing on our balcony before going to the Saturday pool party that was starting right below our room. It was impossible for us to want to sleep in, because the whole hotel was shaking with the bass of the dance music outside. Well, that and the fact that Rich was running around the room screaming “pool party!” like a little girl who just woke up on Christmas morning!

The view from our balcony. We really enjoyed the music and gawking at the celebrities and familiar faces. It was fun to dance outside under the sun!

All of us before going to the convention center for the White Party on Saturday. Luckily the convention center was actually attached somewhat to our hotel, so we didn’t have to walk far!

View of the White Party from the VIP deck. There were some amazing shows, and it even snowed! There was a reappearance of the original Mr. X here, and I have to say that dancing with him under the lights and the snow really made this night and the rest of the weekend even better. More on this another time!

There were some really creative costumes, and these were my favorite.

One of the stage shows. None of them actually made any sense to me…like this peacock woman riding a horse with Mayans in the background, or Kelis…but they all looked really cool!

Photo of DJ Brett Henrichsen from behind the DJ tower at the White Party. Back at the hotel at the after-hours party he was somehow suddenly dancing right next to us on the dance floor, so I introduced myself to him and we chatted about his Phoenix show at Burn.

The dance floor and stage that were set up at a local park for the Sunday T-Dance. We danced outside under the canopy, and saw performances by Jody Watley and Idina Menzel. The highlight was the best fireworks show I’ve ever seen, synced to dance music.

A dancer at the Closing Party on Sunday night. We all agreed that this was our favorite party of the weekend, because the music was amazing and the lighting and laser shows were really impressive. We danced until 4am!

The quality on this video is not fantastic, but it should give you an idea of what it felt like to be in the party…

Rosabel was DJing, and I could tell that we were in for a spectacular night because there were actually 6 or 7 DJs and lighting experts in the front of the room all with their heads down busily working behind computers and turntables…by their expressions you’d think they were launching a missile. The room was really hot with all the energy, and everyone was sweating and having the time of their lives dancing to the tribal house music.

One thing that remained constant throughout the weekend was the music…and oddly we all remarked that the beat was the same wherever we went, like the BPMs had been purposefully set the same for all the shows and parties, provising a perfect continuous soundtrack for the weekend. Which really makes it interesting to note how important music and dancing is to me and my peer group lately, and the role that I think it’s playing in my life…but that’s for another day!

Since I probably won’t be blogging again for several days, I’ll end this series by saying farewell for now…I’ll be in Palm Springs this weekend experiencing the Spring Break that I always wish I’d had! I’ll take lots of pictures for you. Until then I’ll give you this glimpse of the fabulous Wyndham resort where I’ll be staying with Rich, Justin, Philip and Bernard, and the enormous parties that await us…

Most of you are probably going to actually find this post really boring. But, this is my online journal and things have felt so hectic lately that i just wanted to take a few minutes to get some thoughts down.

So, I will be in Palm Springs this weekend for the White Party. I am really excited for it, and I’ve also really enjoyed the time leading up to this point. My friends and I have actually used the preparation for this event as a sort of bonding activity in itself. Talking about workouts, our diets, how much weight we’ve lost, what we’re going to wear to the different theme parties, the songs we hope to hear, etc. So, if it seems like I’ve been talking about the White Party an awful lot, it’s because the White Party actually started for me awhile ago, when I first decided to go. Does that make sense? Anyway…

I’ve been going crazy redecorating my house for the last week or so…and it’s looking pretty cool. I set up a new poolside area to work from, added some furniture to the living room and bedroom, and reorganized several areas of the house.

For me, this is always a sure sign that something is wrong. I knew a few days ago that something was brewing, but I decided I would go with the flow and get these therapy projects underway…the answers come in time, right? Now that I feel like I have things worked out (or at least properly identified), I’m actually really glad that the party is this weekend so that I can have fun and get in a better mood.

I don’t really know how to describe my mood lately other than just a little touch of loneliness. I’ve been having a great time hanging out with friends, but the fact remains that nearly all of them are in relationships of some sort…and part of me does miss that. Part of this is also the fact that I work from home, and I think that being by oneself for extended periods of time can make one go a little nuts Time starts to blur a little…and like last week for me, you can suddenly realize that you’re not even paying attention to things anymore like how your house looks.

I think things kind of came to a head today, as I ended up chatting with my ex and he told me that he has a new boyfriend. Of course I’m happy for him, and I had a hunch anyway that he did. But then again I have those normal jealous feelings that he has moved into a new relationship and I’m not able to get past a first or second date with someone. The rational part of me says that this is a good thing, because it means I’m being selective, and that it’s really better in the long run not to settle. But on the other hand, the emotional part of me wants that perfect match to be made soon

I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m pining away for a boyfriend, because that isn’t the case at all. My life is actually at its most perfect point ever right now. I think I just hit a normal bump on the emotional road, and spent a little more time than normal this week thinking about relationships, and about things that are not currently part of my life. I see this as a good sign, because I think that when you achieve certain levels of perfection and success, you just continue to crave even more.