Jerry Timms

I got back from my vacation on Sunday night, and I have to tell you that I had so much fun I almost don’t even want to talk about it. I’ll share some stories and pictures later on after I’ve recovered from last week and the cold I seem to be coming down with today. But, I’ll leave this thought.

There are so many intangible things that we want out of life. It’s difficult and sometimes impossible to describe the experiences we’re looking for, but recognizing them when we have them couldn’t be easier. And arriving at some of those perfect moments is what I suppose makes this all worth the effort.

Well, today was just tedious. I’m getting really anxious for the Atlantis Mexican Celebration cruise that I’m leaving for this weekend, and I honestly couldn’t give a rat’s ass about work anymore! Sorry to any clients who may be reading this, but I’m sure you understand.

So I’ve been especially hard at work for this one. Working out with a trainer for 8 weeks, getting acquainted with a new diet, tanning, bleaching my teeth, shopping for new clothes and theme party outfits, grooming, etc. You get the idea. Just like my preparation leading up to the White Party…except times ten! This might make me sound really superficial, but rest assured that I’ve also been hard at work on the internal stuff as well.

This also probably makes it look like I’m trying to “meet someone” on the trip, although I’m really not. There is some Mr. X activity already going on, but I’ve decided to keep all of that on the down low for awhile. Why am I doing all of this? Just like any other worthwhile endeavor, the journey is just as satisfying as the destination! So, cheers to myself for getting here. It’s been fun, and I feel fantastic…not bad at all for turning 32. Now it’s time to celebrate!

I can’t wait to see Philip, Bernard, Tony, DJ and Tim…the California gang. In just a few days we’ll be dancing on the deck, out in the ocean under the sun with nary a straight person in sight! We’re gonna have a great time you guys!

I’m back in Phoenix and happy to report that I just had probably the best weekend ever…in Orlando for One Mighty Weekend and Disney Gay Days.

To be really honest, last weekend was a bit of a test. I was considering retiring from the party scene for awhile. Why? Well that was my apprehension about not having goals and whatnot. I felt a little wary about continuing along this path if it was just going to continue to be more of the same. I figured that I have learned some things and improved myself at past events, and if I continued going to parties it would just be for purely hedonistic reasons.

Well that wasn’t the case, and this past weekend really showed me that there’s no limit to how much you can learn about yourself and others when you’re in this type of environment. Plus I’m really grateful for being able to spend some more bonding time with newer friends like Philip, Bernard, Kendall, Tony and Dallas Justin.

Don’t get me wrong, there was a fair bit of hedonism as well. Several of the 9 parties last weekend were just absolutely insane, and I never knew it was possible to have that much fun!

The desire to spend time with ‘people who are like you’ is strong and necessary for every gay man and woman. And after you jump into that sea of acceptance, joy and love…you come out of it, at the same time, both less and more of the person you once were.

Coming back home from a circuit party is a harsh transition from a created Utopia to the real world, where this acceptance and love can be hard to find. We have very real enemies here…and most of you who read this allow it to continue. Luckily, we come back stronger every time with less fear and more confidence in the people that we are and can be. And even if we get only a glimpse of the glory that’s possible in life, it’s a glimpse nonetheless, and that’s something.

Last night I was Burn with Rich and Justin. We had a great time, and the set from DJ Jeremy was fantastic. Several times, we would mention to each other how good the music was - and how it was better than any previous week we could remember. The BPM flow was perfect, and we stayed on the middle of the packed dance floor all night.

Phil and Justin at Burn in Phoenix

We ran into my neighbor Phil, which was nice because we always have fun with him. Unfortunately his equally-fun boyfriend Jeff didn’t make it out, and we teased Phil about kidnapping him in April to take him to the White Party. After Burn closed (they still don’t have after-hours), I went back to Justin and Rich’s for some more music and thoughtful discussion.

So that’s the summary of the evening’s events, and now on to the meat of this post…

I’m realizing just how much I’ve missed something, and that’s to have a close group of gay friends. It may sound silly, but as an avid watcher of QAF throughout the years, I was always a bit envious of these characters and their circle of friends. Now I am pretty close to feeling like I may have that.

This is not to slight my other best friends in any way, and this is what’s going to make this post a bit difficult to explain. My best friends have always been straight. They are terrific, perfect, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. That being said, there is always (and maybe will always be) a bit of negotiation and capitulation when it comes to social plans and agendas. For the most part, things work out just fine. But sometimes things are just a little awkward. And there are some things that are a bit more impossible to negotiate.

(On a side note, I’m looking out the window right now and it’s actually snowing outside. Seriously, there are snowflakes falling on my patio…wtf? Just called Jerry and he confirmed it’s snowing at his place, too.)

For example, I have always wanted to go on a gay cruise. Now Jerry is my best friend, and we do a lot of things together…but he is just not going to go on a gay cruise with me, and I honestly wouldn’t expect him to. Same thing with circuit parties…I have offered, but he is just not interested in going. I think he capitulates quite a bit when it comes to going out to gay bars and whatnot, but some things are just too gay (and to be realistic, maybe inappropriate) for him.

I think you see where I’m going with this. And we all know that if he gets married and has kids…well, that carries a 99% chance of total social death. He doesn’t seem to think he will, but I think that he is not destined to live as parallel a life to his uncle as he currently thinks he is. Honestly, I don’t think he realizes nearly all of what he has going for him. Yeah, not nearly all. But I suppose we’re all on a personal path to discovering these things, and it comes in time. Certainly, the right person or people eventually come along to help show us.

I think I’m treading dangerously into the territory of over-analysis, as I often tend to do, but I think I’ve gotten some things off my chest. I just want you all to know what is foremost on my mind right now…and that’s how much I value all of my friends, and the various roles that they play in my life.