Jerry Timms

I was inspired a few days ago to start the mental legwork for this post after reading an interview with Gavin Newsom, Mayor of San Francisco, in this month’s issue of The Advocate.

Mayor Newsom ordered the City of San Francisco to begin granting marriage licenses to gay couples in 2004. The marriages began on February 12, and about 4,000 couples were married by the city until the California Supreme Court stepped in 29 days later and stopped it. A case is still pending in court (with the City of San Francisco as the plaintiff) that will ultimately decide if the court will allow marriages statewide or not - that decision is due very soon.

Mayor Newsom is not gay. He followed his principles, and ironically he got a lot of criticism for it from the gay community. Why? Because nobody thought this was the right time to do something like this, and many believed for awhile that Mayor Newsom may have triggered a national backlash against gays that may have helped get Bush re-elected and get many state constitutional amendments passed to ban gay marriage. Maybe it did and maybe it didn’t, although much new research is proving that the backlash and constitutional amendment momentum had already started well before Newsom decided to start marrying gay couples in his city.

Even his inner circle of advisers at the time thought it was very bad timing, and that the Mayor was likely destroying his political career. Asked how the final decision was made to go ahead with the marriage orders, he replies,

“The ultimate assessment was: So what? We talk about principles. And if you can’t stand for what you believe in, what’s the point?”

Mayor Newsom is my hero for this. But this post is not merely about gay marriage.

What other hopes and dreams do we all have, that are kept on the back burner because we’re waiting for something else to fall into place?

I want to be in a relationship, but I’m not where I want to be with my career yet. I want to get back into shape but I’m too busy with work right now to get to the gym. I want to get married but I have to save up for money for the ceremony. I want to move somewhere else but I haven’t finished fixing up my house yet. I want to start dating again but I’m not totally over my last relationship yet. I want to…

I have only recently been able to move my life forward again when I realized a few things. That everything is possible at every moment, and it’s never the right time. Everything else is just an excuse, because greatness never follows good timing.

I’ve come to understand over the last few weeks that I’m still limiting my own life experiences out of fear of being out of control. I avoid dating anyone who doesn’t fit what I believe is my perfect match, I don’t socialize with people who don’t share all of my core values, I pass on all activities that I think I may not enjoy.

Eventually all these useless limits we place on ourselves build up, and guarantee a boring life devoid of any change or development. Mayor Newsom didn’t get his state’s Supreme Court to look at gay marriage by waiting for the right time to flaunt state law, any more than you’re going to fall in love by waiting until your life is perfect before you start dating, any more than a gay man is ever going to make new friends by waiting for a complete lack of sexual awkwardness, any more than you’re going to get a ripped body by waiting for tons of free time to manifest itself for going to the gym. It’s all bad timing, so get used to it!

I’m not proposing that you live your life with reckless and careless abandon. But my hunch is that when you are at the end of your life, you will look fondly at the times that you stepped clear out of your comfort zone and changed everything about the life that happened afterwards.

I haven’t written anything in a few days, and that’s because I’ve had a few new projects this week to keep me busy.

First, I’ve decided to hire a personal trainer for the next few months before the cruise in October. I’ve already had two training sessions this week, and I’ll be going for nutritional counseling tonight, and the third workout session of the week on Friday. Of course this is a bit of an extravegance, but the cruise is coming up soon and I just didn’t want to frack around and not get the best results I can get!

Second, I’ve decided to take the plunge and get my car fixed up. For awhile I’ve been hemming and hawing about whether or not I should get a new car, or spend the thousands of dollars required to fix some problems on my car - most notably the air conditioning.

You might ask yourself how I’ve been able to function so far in the Arizona summer without air conditioning, and my answer to that would be that I have avoided driving as much as possible during the day. I work from home, so most of the traveling I do is at night for social reasons or shopping and whatnot. It was never meant to be a long term plan, as I always kind of assumed I’d be getting a new car instead of wasting money on fixing the old car I have.

Well I’ve decided to make another large purchase instead of the car, something that will be an investment rather than an expense, and so that’s the decision that landed my car in the dealer this week - getting a new air conditioner that must apparently be gold-plated because it’s freaking expensive!

And last but not least, dinner with Mr. X last night that ended up being a really fun time. For some reason I was able to relax for once and be more of my normal self without slipping into deep thought the entire time. And Mr. X appeared more relaxed and happy, and I felt like we just sort of enjoyed each others’ company for awhile.

Friday night Jerry and I finally got Vicky to come out with us. We walked to the Arizona Center where we had dinner and wine at Uno, and then continued walking to Amsterdam afterwards for drinks. It was interesting to walk around downtown again and see the progress on the light rail. It seems like it’s almost done, but I guess there are still power lines lines to build and street and traffic direction infrastructure.

Walking on the light rail tracks down Central Avenue

When we got to Amsterdam, it was a light crowd, and Vicky even asked if it was closed down right before we went in. We found a larger crowd on the patio, and took some seats on the balcony. Jerry got awkwardly hit on by a lesbian. The vibe of Amsterdam has definitely changed since the opening of Burn, and I think it’s also being affected by the restrictive construction all around the building.

Aw, I missed Vicky!

Saturday night was Mark’s birthday dinner at Fate, where everyone had a delicious dinner but consistently disappointing martinis. One tasted like a margharita pizza (with tomato juice and basil) and one tasted like lemon pledge (with fresh ginger juice). The coconut curry is still my favorite dinner there, even if it does look a little like pea soup sometimes. After Fate we went back to Mark and Andrea’s place for a bit before heading back out to Burn, where we all had jello shots and vodka drinks. Rich and Justin stalked some of the waiters and Mark got appropriately birthday-drunk. Afterwards we hung out some more at Mark and Andrea’s before calling it a late night.

Andrea, Mark, Rich and Justin at Burn

Earlier in the week, Daren and I went to Seamus McCaffrey’s for some drinks and discussed the recent developments in our dating lives. Daren is back with Phaedra, but I’m pretty much out of luck with the original Mr. X’s. As I mentioned before…one is moving away and one really doesn’t seem to be interested at all, so that’s that. There are some possibilities out there still, and I probably won’t really go into them until I see where they’re going.

Diet and working out are still going well. I really like the supplements I’m taking - all from German American Technologies, which seems to be a pretty quality brand. Me and a lot of my other friends are taking the XC4 creatine, and I’ve also been taking the Stenandiol 3.0 system. Oh, and EAS 100% whey protein shakes. Overall I think they’ve helped me put on a little more muscle, and I’m happy to report that I don’t look totally hideous in a tank top anymore.

It’s hard to take pictures of yourself!

I had a great dinner with Mr. X tonight, and some incredible conversation afterwards. We went to Fate, one of my favorite restaurants. John Hook and Kerry Lake were a few tables away from us…and if there was ever any doubt, yes they really are friends in real life! I know, only I can get star struck by seeing local news reporters, right? I joked that if Troy Hayden walked in I was going to fall right out of my chair.

Well, like I said the conversation was great and I’m really glad I went out tonight. I’m also really glad to hear that things are going a lot better for him lately.

I’ve started changing my workout routine and diet this week. I realized something when I was in Orlando, that I’m not most attracted to lean guys. Actually, I found the bigger and more muscular guys the most attractive. I didn’t used to be, but I guess things change. So, going with the idea that I’m not going to get bigger by cutting calories, I’ve decided to start a higher calorie, high protein diet…complete with hundreds of dollars worth of bodybuilding supplements that I just received yesterday.

I’ve also started working out a lot harder in the gym. It’s really only been a couple days on this new plan, but I think I’m off to a good start and writing about it here will keep me a little more accountable. Whatever, you know? Remember, I have no TV…

Likely a testament to how hard I’ve been working out lately, tonight I simply craved the thickest and rarest steak I could get my hands on. I interpreted this as a sign that my body needed protein for some serious muscle building, so I gave in and headed to Safeway where I bought a couple choice top sirloins. I threw one on the grill, but only for long enough to get it warm and juicy.

Exquisite…lemon flakes performed admirably (as they always do) as I sliced and stabbed my way to heaven. Rare, soft and juicy, and just perfect. A perfect finish to my evening of running a mile and working out in the gym.

I’ve been working out fairly regularly for about 6 weeks now. I’m starting to see some real results, and it has me excited since I think I may be in the best shape I’ve been in for a few years. That’s both physically and mentally. Funny how both efforts have been actually very closely tied together.

Working out with Jerry and Daren has been really fun…and there’s actually a lot more involved to our evenings than just the workouts. We’ll also often go out to a bar or two afterward (or hang out at Jerry’s loft), drink some beer, and hang out and bs with one another. Steve also started hanging out with us, and we always have a good time. Talk about dates, significant others, work, etc. Jerry describes this as his new fraternity, and that’s a fairly accurate description of how it feels.

Hanging out with Rich, Justin, Philip and Bernard is a very similar fraternal part of my life lately. I am impressed, and humbled, by what strong bonds exist within this circle. And deciding to do some of the party curcuit with them this year is what’s motivating me to stick with those workouts, stick to my diet, and what had motivated me last year to finally give up smoking.

I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but I know my goals are achievable and right around the corner. So, cheers to all of you that help. My shoulders are looking better, but what’s on top of them is feeling pretty good, too.

Well I’m happy to announce that I just finished my first continuous mile on my new treadmill! This might not be a big deal to most of you, but I have not ran a full mile in about 15 years. I feel great!

Prior to tonight’s workout, I downloaded a Nike treadmill training program from iTunes, and I’m really happy with it. It’s basically a personal trainer that talks you through a hill workout, and music tracks are perfectly cut to coincide with the workout. I got though half of the 30 minute program tonight - so I guess the full program is about 2 miles. It really got me motivated, and I was so pumped listening to Tubthumping while running up a hill at 6%!

If you’re interested, you can .

Tonight I’m trying to wind down a little early since I have to be up at the crack of dawn to drive up to Flagstaff with Jerry, Vicky and Deanna for a day of snowboarding, drinking and general mischief. That’s right, it’s time for another Core! I’m really glad we’ve been able to keep up with these special plans, and I’m also impressed that we’ve been able to get more and more creative with what we do together.

February has been a really fantastic month, as I just got back from a trip to San Francisco last weekend with Rich, Justin, Philip and Bernard. Although I thought I might be pushing the limits with 3 parties in one weekend, I never really felt tired at all this week.

In fact I was so excited for the upcoming White Party in Palm Springs that I returned to my workout almost right away, never skipping a beat. Which is good, because I’m getting constant reminders that the White Party is in 6 weeks, and time is running out to prepare. I even got a White Party DVD in the mail yesterday from Jeffrey Sanker. Luckily, my new treadmill was delivered on Tuesday, and I am really enjoying using it. It was a lot bigger than I thought it would be, so I couldn’t put it out in the gym…I had to set it up in the living room for now, either until I can clear out another ajoining room, or someone comes over the house to help me move it. It’s pretty cool because it has a built-in TV and iPod dock. So while I’m running, I can either play that White Party DVD or listen to some music to keep me motivated.

That’s about all for tonight. I will just close by telling ALL of my friends how much I’ve enjoyed spending more time with them lately - whether it’s chatting, dining, working out, bar hopping, clubbing, snowboarding, or any of the other things that we love to do…the months and years keep getting better and better.

Here are some pictures from San Francisco last weekend…