Jerry Timms

Well even though I’m sure you’re all anxious to see some pictures from my travels, I actually didn’t take that many. I think I must have burned myself out on taking pictures for awhile! But I did take a few here and there, so here are the best ones in no particular order…

Me on the red carpet at a Project A.L.S fundraiser event at Paramount

Shamelessly stalking celebrities at said fundraiser - or are they stalking me?

At this point I may as well just move into Mickey’s

Philip and Rich at The Abbey

Beautiful day in Santa Monica

The rolling party that took us to Medieval Times with Philip’s ad agency group

Philip and Justin inside said party

I have virtually no memory of this

I remember shouting ‘black & white’ and that’s about it - oh and lots of chicken

But it looks like we had cute hats!

With Rich, Gracie and Justin at LB Pride

Alas, I have no pictures of Tribe. Hopefully my previous dramatic prose gives you some idea how the weekend was spent. Pictures at parties hardly turn out acceptable anyway, and I’ve come to realize that the experience can’t really be appropriately captured in an image. I had a great time, and will be looking forward to the next events on my calendar…the Core on Saturday, and leaving for Orlando (One Mighty Weekend - Disney Gay Days) on Wednesday.

Here are some pictures from last weekend…

Friday night I went with Rich and Justin to the Red Magazine anniversary party at Burn. The club actually cleared out pretty early, and it felt like we had the place to ourselves!

Saturday evening I was invited over for a St. Patrick’s Day dinner at Mary Lou’s house (that’s Jerry and Vicky’s mom). Dinner was delicious, and afterwards we played an Ireland trivia game. In this pic you can see Mary Lou reading a question while everyone gets excited to blurt out the answer! Mary Lou always goes all out for holidays, and I’m always amazed at the traditions that their family has for each one!

Saturday night started at Fate for an after dinner drink with Rich, Justin, Mark and Andrea. Then we headed to Burn for dancing and more drinks. Notice how hard I’m working on my tan for the White Party? Oddly, I was the only one wearing green.

Sunday night, Rich and Justin called me up to go to dinner with them since they were in the area “taking a drive.” Well, I knew right away why they were in central Phoenix, and that’s because they were looking at neighborhoods and houses! Even though they recently decided they were going to move to LA sometime soon, I think they are starting to get cold feet because of the prices there. So it seems that a move to central Phoenix might be a good compromise for awhile…they get to be in a more urban setting than they’re in now, without having to commit to a much more dramatic move to Los Angeles.

So anyway we went to dinner at Ticoz, where the food is delicious and the waiters make you blush by remembering really old online conversations. Then we decided to go to Padlock for drinks, where we all took our shirts off so that we could get the drinks for half price. It was actually a really odd and unpredictable day, but fun of course. See Rich and Justin, you can’t do this stuff in Mesa!

When I left the house this afternoon, everyone else was still asleep from our evening of partying. I quietly got up out of bed, got in the shower, and put some clothes on. Everyone was still asleep, so I get my things together, and headed out the door, not really sure where I was going to go.

I walked down Wilshire until I got to the federal park, then made a left into the city of Brentwood, where I found a really cute downtown area and Coffee Bean to get an iced latte (it’s hot outside!) and sit down with my thoughts. It had to happen sooner or later on this trip, I needed some extra time to bond with this city.

Thursday night I arrived at the airport (a little late - see previous post) and Rich and I headed back to Philip’s for a quick change, then down to Weho for some drinks. After a drink at the awkward Fubar, we went to Mickey’s, one of my favorite Weho bars, for some more drinks and eye candy. I’ve written about Mickey’s before…lately it’s been one of my first stops every time I come to LA. When we got back to the house, I crashed out almost right away from the long evening.

On friday we worked from Philip’s place for a few hours, then grabbed some lunch at Wahoo’s before heading to the Coffee Bean on sunset, where we ran into Perez Hilton and various other celebrities that I’m not priviliged to discuss here.

Friday evening Justin’s flight was delayed several times, and it was about 1am by the time we were able to pick him up, before heading to Mickey’s for after hours dancing where Philip, Justin and Rich all took turns turning down suitors both on and off the dance floor.

Saturday afternoon was spent getting party food at Costco, and then a clandestine trip to Weho and the mall to pick up a gift for Philip. Saturday night was Philip’s white party, where I met a lot of new people - including Philip’s brother and co-workers - and we ate white things and drank clear drinks. I also saw some familiar faces, including Roger and Jason that I met last year in Vegas.

Late saturday there was some disagreement about what to do next - and although there were several options on the table, Philip and I both decided we were tired and just going to go to sleep. I’m not sure what Rich and Justin did, since I haven’t spoken to them yet today. But when I left the house they were both so sound asleep, that I’m sure they had quite an adventure.

So that brings me back to today, where I’m sitting in a comfy leather chair in a Coffee Bean in Brentwood, doing my impression of Perez Hilton - blogging in a corner with an iced coffee drink.

Last night I had a coffee date with the new Mr. X. I really love the coffee date concept - it’s quick, has a predetermined end point, and there’s very little commitment. I mean, after all, it’s just coffee right? Although it sometimes walks the line of feeling like an employment screening (pre-screening, even), it can be quite efficient. So how did mine go?

How did it go…well to be really quite honest, I’ve never met anyone quite like this, at least within this context. It was refreshing to meet someone who is happy with where they are in life, seems to feel justifiably accomplished, is obviously intelligent, and looks damn good in a tshirt and jeans. Right now I actually feel oddly comforted by thinking about someone I hardly know. So there you go.

Today I ran another mile, worked out at home (since Daren is sick), and went out to BS with Justin. Being at BS always brings back a lot of memories for me. Since I used to live very close to that bar for 5 years, I was there almost all the time. 3 relationships. Now the bar is all remodeled with a big dance floor, although most of the same staff is there.

This weekend should be fun, and I have to say that I’m really enjoying the opportunity to get out of town about once a month. Oddly, it really does make me appreciate Phoenix more and more, because I haven’t been as stir crazy lately. Now if I can just figure a few more things out…

I just returned from an extended trip to California, and that drive home just never gets any easier! I had an amazing time with some Phoenix and California friends, and just wanted to say thanks and I love you guys - you know who you are Also, looking forward to the core event in 2 weeks with Phoenix friends I couldn’t be with for the holidays. Happy New Year, everyone!

Christmas 12252006

NYE LA 12312006

Me, Justin, Philip, Tony, Dallas Justin and Kendall at The Abbey in WeHo

Hmm, now I was gonna go on and on about my plans for 2007. Then I decided not to. Let me just say that I’m not wanting to change anything radically about myself this year - several changes have already been recently made. What you will see this year are the effects from that growth…the effects from losing just a little more fear…and I expect it will be quite an exciting 2007, with lots to blog about!

I had a long time to think in the car tonight, and coming down from the kind of weekend I had is very conducive to some serious introspective thought.

When I look back on my adult life, I can identify 4 main stages I’ve passed through. Stage 5 starts now.

The whole gang at Philip’s place in Santa Monica

I almost forgot what it was like, this yearly event called the “holidays.” So far I’ve partaken in the fun part….that is, I’ve slacked off ever so slightly at work and spent gobs of money at the mall (for others AND myself). Now, I’m sitting in my office, drinking some coffee, and mentally preparing myself for the final part - the family visit. This is the part I almost forgot about.

I love my parents. They are still together after like 36 years, and they are about the most supportive parents you can imagine. After I came out to them about a year and a half ago, we are much closer. I don’t have to censor my conversation anymore, or be afraid they’re going to ask me if I’m dating. Coming out was anticlimactic, and I was a complete idiot for waiting so long.

A magazine article that I read recently did a pretty good job of describing the family relationships of American gay men…”In our 20’s and 30’s, that distance grows larger as gay men join the upwardly mobile class of their peers, carving out individualistic identities based on economic consuption (and, often, some kind of therapy) before finally beginning the lengthy process of reconciling with our parents.”

Well…check, check, and check.

This year’s visit feels a little different…for the first time, I’m coming home as an adult. I can finally (last year things were still at an awkward stage) relate some of my adult dating experiences, and stories of my friends. I can speak of love and politics from an adult’s perspective, and not as some adolescent who’s yet to experience real things in romance and battle.

This year’s visit feels a little different…because I’m broken. I’ve chosen not to extensively share some things, because I’m still dealing with them, and things have moved to a more personal space of healing. Many of you know the things that have happened with me this year…but none of you really know how they are still affecting me. As far as you can see, life goes on with Jerry Timms…if you’re really observant, you’d know it hasn’t - not completely anyway. It is what it is. Things break us down, then make us stronger. Maybe we’ll talk about it more sometime.

And finally, this year’s visit feels a little different…because I’m in control. I have set the expectation that I will arrive on the day that I choose, leave when I’m ready, and not tolerate anything I’m uncomfortable with (see future post on my extended family). I’m only spending half (or less!) of the week with my family, then I will be leaving promptly for LA to spend a few days and New Year’s Eve with some friends.

The visit to California will be part fun, part respite, and part duty. It always is. Only this year the proportions of each are changing.

LA Trip Part Two

Where were we? Oh yeah, Friday. Friday morning I woke up at about 11am, having gone to sleep quite late the previous night. I had the hotel send up some coffee, and decided to start planning my day….when I realized that I didn’t have to plan anything! This was my day and I could do whatever I wanted, so I decided to go walk around town and see what comes up. I decided about a week ago that I would spend a day or two as if this was where I lived, and so I thought this day may be a good day for that.

I walked down the steep hill, turned a corner, and then I was back on the gay strip. While I was trying to ignore the cute pet boutique, I spotted a tanning salon and decided I should get a spray tan since I was pretty pale. After talking to the guy at the counter, I must have winced a little at the $30 price tag (I’m told over and over that you can see my facial expressions from space), because I was assured that the tan came with a 24 hour guarantee. If I didn’t like it, I could come back and scrub it off in their shower with some pumice (these Weho businesses don’t fck around) and get a lighter color. Ok, fine.

If you’ve never had a spray tan, let me tell you that it can be an overwhelming experience. This particular booth had motion sensor activated doors, and a computerized voice giving you instructions the whole way. After I had a 15 minute lecture on where to rub the silicone, what positions to hold and when, and where to wave my hands to activate the sensors, I started getting undressed. I rubbed the silicone lotion into my cuticles, wrists and feet, and waved my hand in front of the sensor. The door opened with a Star Trek hiss, and I stepped inside and onto the metal plates in the floor. The computer lady told me to activate the sensor when I was ready, so I waved my hands where the Tanning Guru told me…cut to me frantically waving my arms up and down, spinning around several times, getting tanner in my eyes (it stung more than I remember, is this safe?), trying to hear what computer was shouting at me through the little speaker, and gasping for breath through the mist.

After everything was done I got dressed, regained my composure, and said goodbye to Tanning Guru. I was thirsty, so I headed toward the Coffee Bean to get a 1000 calorie blended coffee drink. But before I got into the store, I was stopped by an HRC volunteer who asked if I had a few minutes for gay rights. Sure I said, and listened to her speech about the FMA and how the HRC needs money to fight it. I asked her if she knew how good they have it in California, as we were fighting our own state amendment. She was actually from AZ originally, so we talked about this for awhile, and she even called over one of her friends to hear my story. We all introduced ourselves and chatted for awhile, and about half way through my stories about AZ politics, I could pick up just a tiny look of disapproval (or was it sympathy?), like how can I be living in such a backward state? I was probably projecting here. But having seen this, I explained how I’ve been considering a move to CA, to which one of the girls immediately shot back, “Check out Silverlake, that’s where it’s at right now, you’ll love it!” I filled out a form to send a monthly gift to HRC, and we said our goodbyes.

Later, coffee in hand I browsed around some shops, buying some brands of clothing that I’ve had a hard time finding in AZ. At LASC the salesman gave me some tips for the hot spots on Friday, highly recommending The Abbey. I stopped at a place for lunch that was recommended by Anthony (Koo Koo Roo, which was more like fast food than I thought it would be), and then headed back to the hotel. I must have walked 10 miles that afternoon, so when I got back to my room I laid down for a little nap.

That night, back on the town, I was hungry again so I had a burger in a sidewalk cafe next to some of the clubs. I watched all the guys walk by, and chatted with a fellow patron about some of the best places to eat around town. What struck me about this guy was that I was pretty sure he was straight, although he still seemed perfectly comfortable where he was.

I headed over to the Abbey. During my last trip I didn’t get to see this bar, and I was glad I was here alone so that I could make my own judgement about it. I expected a cover but there wasn’t one, and I walked inside and took in all the colors, the roaring fireplace, and all the gorgeous people milling around in groups sucking down drinks. For those of you who haven’t been to The Abbey it feels a little like Amsterdam in Phoenix, only about 4 times bigger and better music and decor. A feeling of decadence permeates this bar. And you can’t help but to walk around and think that you’ve seen several of these people on either a soap opera or movie. I got some looks, but alas it seemed everyone was in their own social group, so after a drink I eventually left and headed back to Santa Monica Blvd.

I tested the Rage for awhile (great music) and Mickey’s (go-go boys still there), and about 6 drinks later decided it was time to head home. Nothing eventful to speak of here, just some solo clubbing and dancing. I felt as though I should save some energy for ATB the next night, even though it was already 1:30. I stepped outside and help up my hand, a cab stopped immediately and took me back to the hotel.

Some of you know that I’ve just returned from my birthday vacation to L.A. Not only was this one of the longest trips I’ve taken in awhile, but this was also my first solo trip (although Jerry did meet up with me for the last 2 days - thanks Jerry, Good Times!).

The trip was fairly spontaneous, and was initially driven by my desire to see ATB on Saturday night - unfortunately I have never before been able to get a trip together to see one of his U.S. shows. But then it became about a lot more, which we’ll get to in later postings. So shortly after getting an email from the ATB website, I booked my hotel on Hotwire and announced to anyone who cared to attend.

I got to my hotel in West Hollywood late on Thursday night, neatly unpacked all my things, took a shower and then headed out for my adventure. When I arrived at the gay area on Santa Monica Blvd., I was initially surprised to see so many couples holding hands. Now, I have seen this before…in Castro, in Hillcrest, in Chelsea, and even here…but I guess not enough time had passed in this town and my mind was still in Phoenix. In fact, one of the last things I looked at before I left was the stack of legal papers I had been served with days earlier (more on this Nov. 8). This town is different…

I stopped into one of my favorite clubs, ordered a drink, and felt the gay thump sink into my bones. It felt good. I remembered the polite, shirtless bartender from my last trip here, and things started to feel very familiar and comfortable. I looked around and took in the hedonism - which tonight seemed even stronger than usual with the wall-to-wall go-go boys doing anything they could for tips, and the very crowded bar going wild.

I took my drink out to the patio and wondered if I would talk to anyone tonight. It was late, and I was sober. It didn’t take long before Louis came over, asked for a cigarette, and started some conversation. It was clear he didn’t really smoke, and we laughed about that as he said, “Is it really that obvious?”

We talked politics, about life in Weho, life in Phoenix, about our work…went inside for one last drink, and headed out. Holding hands feels different when you’re older. “Welcome to L.A.,” he said.

That’s all for now.