Jerry Timms

Luckily, Arizona defeated a gay marriage ban amendment this past fall. Other states, however, were not so lucky. In the end it actually made little difference, because the Arizona Supreme Court has already upheld our state’s statutory ban on gay marriage.

To all my heterosexual readers, I have a little secret to share with you. You may think that we’re going to keep fighting every year against your silly amendments and laws. Stand around like pansies and beg for help every time some right-wing nutjob decides he wants to pass an amendment. We’re not. There’s a secret movement brewing around the country, and it’s goal is to create utter pandemonium with your marriage and family laws. It’s on! We can play this game too, you know.

Washington has struck first, by filing a proposition to annul heterosexual marriages that don’t produce offspring.

Under the initiative, marriage would be limited to men and women who are able to have children. Couples would be required to prove they can have children in order to get a marriage license, and if they did not have children within three years, their marriage would be annulled.

According to the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance:
“For many years, social conservatives have claimed that marriage exists solely for the purpose of procreation … The time has come for these conservatives to be dosed with their own medicine,” said WA-DOMA organizer Gregory Gadow in a printed statement. “If same-sex couples should be barred from marriage because they can not have children together, it follows that all couples who cannot or will not have children together should equally be barred from marriage.”

Other states will follow, and Arizona will almost certainly be one of them…

Looking (back) at 2006

Letting Go

Phoebe. This happened a few years sooner than I thought it would have to. Phoebe was 9 or 10, and succumbed to a type of Crohn’s disease, or inflammatory bowel disease. I spent a considerable amount of time and money diagnosing and treating her over the course of about 6 months, but the various vet doctors were unable to stabilize her and she eventually died at home on August 15. I don’t like to think about the last days, but I am now. I chose a natural death for her, and would absolutely make the same decision if I had to do it again. Phoebe was my child. Not a human child, but how often do we look into our pet’s eyes and think “there’s a person in there!” If I had a human daughter, and she was terminally ill, I would not euthanize her - and so I decided several years ago that when the time came I wouldn’t do it to Phoebe, either. Phoebe was a strong girl, and I am certain that she would personally choose (had she the understanding) to not be killed helplessly with a needle full of poison. I took a couple weeks off from work, and dedicated every hour to making her as comfortable as possible. I was almost always with her, and we became very close, even closer than before. There is something rather beautiful and human about caring for a loved one through their last days. We looked at pictures from when I first took Phoebe home, I told her stories, cuddled…and ate steak, barbequed lamb and chicken, even though she couldn’t digest anything. I administered b-12, eye and nose ointment, and medication. During the last few days she had seizures, and I held her really tight and whispered to her about how much I loved her. When I woke up one morning I could sense that she was gone, and I peaked around the corner and confirmed my suspicion. I called the vet to take her body to the crematorium, and spent the rest of the day in a bit of a haze. I got some chinese food for dinner, and when I was finished I opened my fortune cookie to reveal the message “There is someone owing so many thanks to you.” I broke down and cried harder than I ever have before, and I still do almost every day. Phoebe really was my best friend, and I miss her so much…

Jim. We were together for 2 1/2 years, and I thought he was the one. The problem was that after all that time, he was still not comfortable with being gay. We spent holidays apart, and socializing with friends was awkward. Ugh, even after all of the times that I resented him for not letting me meet his friends or family, I miss him…our time together talking effortlessly about this and that. I was ready to live together, he was not, and I was unsure if he ever would be…so I chose to end it. He is in a different stage of life than I am…and no matter how many talks we had about it, it didn’t change the fact that he just wasn’t ready for a lot of things. He reminded me of how I was in my first relationship (and I was his first)…and well, my first relationship obviously didn’t work out, either - whose does? Even through I miss Jim, I have never doubted that our split was good for us.

Prosperity

Money. I set a goal a couple years ago of passing 100k in yearly income, and I achieved it this year.

Career. I formed my own corporation and I work from home for a full time client, doing exactly what I like to do right now, learning the things I like to learn. My client shares almost all of my values, and working with them has been wonderful.

Friendship

Friends. I have some new friends, have reconnected with some old friends, and I have been spending more time with my best friends. Groups of friends have been successfully integrated.

Neighbors. I’ve socialized quite a bit with my neighbors this year, which is something I’ve never really done before. There are a few gay and lesbian households on my street, and they’re a lot of fun.

Health

Smoking. Quit earlier in the year for a couple months, then relapsed. Quit again 2 1/2 weeks ago and holding…with no cheating this time!

Body. Lost about 20 lbs half way through the year.

Misc. My frequent migraines have suddenly disappeared this year. I don’t really know for sure why.

Charity/Activism

HRC. I increased my contributions this year to HRC, set up monthly contributions, and held a successful fundraising dinner at my house.

Lambda Legal. I maintained my monthly contributions this year, and had a chance to meet with a director a few weeks ago about increasing my involvement in the organization.

(Edited!) Spent a significant amount of time running a website that received a lot of attention and changed a lot of minds.

Travel

Post-Jim…

Solo. Took my first ever solo vacation, saw ATB, pretended I lived in LA, and had a blast! Met my parents for lunch, and met up with Jerry the last 2 days for some clubbing and celebrity sightings.

Group. Went on a group trip with Rich, Justin and CA friends, and had a great time during this alcohol-soaked vacation!

Home

Design. Had the living room (finally) painted, and set up a cool office.

Construction. Almost finished a garage construction project. Hired a lawyer, went to court over it, won a judgement, and now just waiting for the check so I can get it fixed and completed.

Staff. Hired a great landscaper and housekeeper to keep everything in order.

Some of you know that I’ve just returned from my birthday vacation to L.A. Not only was this one of the longest trips I’ve taken in awhile, but this was also my first solo trip (although Jerry did meet up with me for the last 2 days - thanks Jerry, Good Times!).

The trip was fairly spontaneous, and was initially driven by my desire to see ATB on Saturday night - unfortunately I have never before been able to get a trip together to see one of his U.S. shows. But then it became about a lot more, which we’ll get to in later postings. So shortly after getting an email from the ATB website, I booked my hotel on Hotwire and announced to anyone who cared to attend.

I got to my hotel in West Hollywood late on Thursday night, neatly unpacked all my things, took a shower and then headed out for my adventure. When I arrived at the gay area on Santa Monica Blvd., I was initially surprised to see so many couples holding hands. Now, I have seen this before…in Castro, in Hillcrest, in Chelsea, and even here…but I guess not enough time had passed in this town and my mind was still in Phoenix. In fact, one of the last things I looked at before I left was the stack of legal papers I had been served with days earlier (more on this Nov. 8). This town is different…

I stopped into one of my favorite clubs, ordered a drink, and felt the gay thump sink into my bones. It felt good. I remembered the polite, shirtless bartender from my last trip here, and things started to feel very familiar and comfortable. I looked around and took in the hedonism - which tonight seemed even stronger than usual with the wall-to-wall go-go boys doing anything they could for tips, and the very crowded bar going wild.

I took my drink out to the patio and wondered if I would talk to anyone tonight. It was late, and I was sober. It didn’t take long before Louis came over, asked for a cigarette, and started some conversation. It was clear he didn’t really smoke, and we laughed about that as he said, “Is it really that obvious?”

We talked politics, about life in Weho, life in Phoenix, about our work…went inside for one last drink, and headed out. Holding hands feels different when you’re older. “Welcome to L.A.,” he said.